


Officially Nowhere

by Ashleigh9157



Category: Captain America, MCU, Marvel, Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Child Loss, F/M, Fluff, Smut, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:07:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25907059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashleigh9157/pseuds/Ashleigh9157
Summary: You are an old friend of Sam Wilson’s who is reluctantly pulled into Avengers drama. You don’t know it but when Sam Steve and Natasha come barreling into your home your life would change forever
Relationships: Steve Rogers x Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

Steve, Sam and Nat had to get off the roads fast. They made it to a rural area outside of DC when Sam pulled off suddenly. 

“Sam! Where are we going?”  
“Trust me, Cap. I know a place. We’re going somewhere safe.”  
“Nat, you still with us?!”  
“I’m good.” she said. Her breathing was ragged but she was holding on.  
“She needs a medic. Fast.”  
“I know. We’re 2 minutes out.” 

They pulled up to a gate. Sam sped up to drive through. He silently thanked heaven that it wasn’t rigged with explosives. He’d keep that to himself. He knew you wouldn’t be pleased to have all of this commotion dropped in your lap but you’d help anyway. Steve jumped out of the car and grabbed Nat rushing her to your door. He went to go kick it in thinking the place was abandoned. Sam shouted, “WAIT!!” but it was too late. Steve had a gun to his head faster than he was able to release his leg. He froze in place looking to Sam who was running to his side. 

“Y/N! It’s me! Don’t shoot!” Sam said putting up his hands.  
“Wilson? What the fuck is this?”  
“I’m sorry. We need your help. Romanoff is hurt. Please.”  
“Lower your weapon, soldier” Steve said in a rather commanding way. You laughed. “I will as soon as she does” pointing to Nat with your chin. Nat had her weapon pointed at you.  
“Everyone lets calm down. Y/N they are friendly. I trust them.” Your face softened a bit as Nat raised her hands. You holstered your weapon and stepped aside. “ Put her on the kitchen table. I’ll get my bag.” “Where are we?” asked Steve. “Officially? I am no one. You are nowhere. I’m not helping you. Unofficially I’m Y/N. I’m a former combat medic and this is my house. Nice to meet you. Now please. The table.”

You grabbed some supplies from a hall closet. Nat was talking so she seemed to be breathing ok. “Let’s see.” Steve hovered at her side. “Captain you’ll have to move so I can evaluate her injuries.” He moved out of the way and you got to work. “You know who I am?” He asked still watching you work. “Of course. Everyone does. Romanoff was it?” Nat nodded. “You were hit. Through and through by the looks of it. I can patch you up but you’ll need surgery to see if you’re bleeding internally. She needs to get to a hospital, Sam.”  
“No. No hospital.” Nat said through gritted teeth. You gave her something for the pain. She started to drift off. “What did you give her?!” Steve shouted reaching for his gun. “Relax. It’s for pain. I don’t think your girlfriend wants to feel me rooting around inside a bullet wound.” He relaxed a little. Sam went to the fridge to get some water for Steve and a beer for himself. You finished sewing up the wound and swabbed her skin with disinfectant. “That will do for now. I have a spare bedroom in the back. We need to get her there to rest.” Steve picked up Nat and got her to the room. You started an IV and hooked her up to a few machines to monitor her. “She’ll be out for a while, Captain.” You patted him on the shoulder and pulled a chair to her bedside. “She’s lucky to have you.” As you stepped into the doorway he looked back and said, “Thank you, Y/N. I really can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate all you’ve done....and she’s not my girlfriend.” 

You went back into the kitchen where Sam was already cleaning up. You opened a beer and got him another. “So. Wanna tell me what’s going on?” “Yeah. We’re fugitives. Hiding out from SHIELD, Hydra the US government. And, if that wasn’t enough, a brain washed super soldier who happens to be Cap’s best friend.” He sunk down onto the couch sighing heavily. You sat next to him laughing quietly to yourself. “What’s so funny?”  
“Nothing. Just you. You always get mixed up in stupid ass shit. You’re like a trouble magnet.” He laughed half heartedly lying his head back.  
“You have no idea. I’m glad I get to see you you know but not under these circumstances. How have you been doing?”  
“You know me, Sam. I manage.”  
“Have you been going out on jobs?”  
“A few. Mild stuff. Search and rescues...assassinations. Nothing too strenuous.”  
“What about the nightmares?”  
“They are still around.”  
You heard shuffling and saw Steve standing in the doorway. “Sorry. Nat’s awake.”  
“Oh great. Let me go see about her.” Steve sat down in a big chair and let out a long tired sigh. “You hungry, man? Y/N has a big grill outside. I can throw something on.” With his eyes still closed he nodded and tried to will himself out of the chair to help. You came back with Nat at your side saying, “Look who’s back from the dead” Nat pressed her hand into her bandage stifling a laugh. 

Sam jumped up to help her get situated. “Hey Y/N Steve and I are gonna get the grill going. What can I cook?”  
“Oh I got it.”  
“No, ma’am. You’ve done enough today. Put your feet up. We got it.” Sam said while he pushed you back down on the couch.  
“Check the fridge. I have all kinds of meat in there. Grab what looks good.” 

While they were rummaging through the kitchen you checked ok Nat again. “Y/N please. I’m fine. Take a load off.” And so you did. You sat quietly for several minutes watching the men out of the window. They seemed a little more at ease now chatting and laughing. You focused in on Steve. You wondered what he was really like when he wasn’t Captain America. He seemed worn out..worried. Nat was watching you watch him. You didn’t know it but you were biting your bottom lip. You did that when you were really thinking.  
“He’s not bad to look at” she finally said. You startled at sound of her voice.  
“No, he’s not. What’s his story? Girlfriend? Wife?”  
Nat laughed, “he doesn’t date much. Kind of keeps to himself. You should see him on a mission though. The guy is a beast”  
“I’ll bet he is.”  
“What’s your story, Y/N? How many tours did you serve?”  
“Three. Combat medic.”  
“Is that how you know Sam?”  
“Yeah. I saved his life a few times. Then he saved mine.”  
“Can I ask why the Army thinks you were KIA?”  
“Because they assumed that, when they left me on the side of the road to die, I actually did die. Thank goodness for Sam. He spotted me when he was out on patrol and took care of me. I owe him everything.”  
“Whoa whoa whoa. Your own unit?!”  
You chuckled “Yep. My own unit. I was the only woman. I had a nonconsensual run in with one of the guys. Asked to be transferred and swore I wouldn’t report. My last night on the base they took me out for a send off dinner. We never made it. A couple of them pulled me out of the Jeep. They took turns brutalizing and beating me. Pushed me down an embankment. I swear I have no idea how Sam saw me.” Nat’s mouth hung open and closed several times trying to find words. She was at a loss.  
“I’m so sorry that happened to you. So you’re just hiding out here? All by yourself? What do you do for money? Physical contact with people?”  
“I tend to avoid physical contact unless I have needs to fulfill.” You smiled to yourself. “As far as cash goes, when I was in the hospital I met some of the royal family from Wakanda. They were there on a good will visit meeting wounded civilians. They listened to my story and took me in. Put me to work. That’s why I can afford to stay in the lap of luxury.” You both laughed. She held your hand and squeezed. Giving you a shy half smile she said, “I’m so glad Sam found you.” You had tears in your eyes. You choked them back not wanting to give them any satisfaction. You don’t cry over that night anymore.  
“Hey ladies! Soup’s on!” Sam shouted from the door. 

You helped Nat out onto the patio. The four of you spent the evening talking and laughing like old friends. You and Steve were definitely flirting. You excused yourself to pick up the dishes. As soon as you were inside Sam an Nat pounced.  
“Dude! You are totally flirting with her.” Sam said playfully. Steve waved him off.  
“Come on, Cap. She’s flirting back. It’s adorable.” Nat teased.  
Steve blushed. “She is isn’t she?”  
“Get in there, man. Make a move.” said Sam as he nudged Steve’s arm. He shook his head “no” “GO!” they said in unison. He flushed crimson and sweat started to bead on his forehead. He went into the kitchen to help with the dishes. Steve kept looking out the window at the two of them who smiled like proud parents.  
“Christ she’s going to eat him alive” Nat said still smiling.  
“It’s hard to watch” Sam replied. The two of them went to bed leaving you two on your own. 

“I’ll wash you dry?” You said as you threw Steve a towel.  
“Yes, ma’am. So how do you manage to live off the grid like this? Must be lonely.”  
“It can be. I work when I am asked. When I have needs to meet I take care of it.”  
“I was under the impression that no one knew you existed.”  
“I work for the Royal Family of Wakanda. It’s a long story. They’re the only ones.”  
“What kind of work do you do for them?”  
“I am a War Dog. Part of the central intelligence service of Wakanda.”  
“So can you tell me what kinds of missions you go on?”  
“Need to know, Captain.”  
“I see. I hope you stay safe. And please call me Steve.” He rested his hands on the kitchen island watching you bend over to put away a pan. You could feel his eyes on you. You giggled to yourself.  
“I’m the safest.” you say with a wink “And I rather like calling you Captain.” He cleared his throat and adjusted his pants to hide his arousal.  
“Well I guess I’ll turn in.”  
“Or you can stay up with me for a little bit. I don’t get much company I’m sure you can imagine. Let’s go out to the deck.”  
You lit the fire pit and grabbed a couple of blankets. The air was crisp. The slight breeze felt good against your neck. You didn’t realize how warm you were. You pulled the blanket higher around your shoulders your skin shivering into goosebumps. You had a bottle of wine and a glass for each of you. “Red ok?” You poured way too much in his glass. “Red is fine. That’s plenty. Are you trying to get me drunk?” He laughed a little making your cheeks warm. “Me? Never.” “You do know I can’t get drunk? My metabolism is too fast. Alcohol burns right off. “ You plopped down next to him with an exaggerated hmph. “Well that puts a hitch in my plans.” 

He smiled at you. This was not his Captain America smile. This smile spread on his lips very slowly like a cat that ate the canary. He rested his hand on your knee and said, “You don’t need to get me drunk.” You let out a small sigh and your eyes fluttered closed. You set your glass down and put your hand on top of his. You stared at each other for what felt like an eternity and you leaned in to kiss him. He was timid at first only softly pressing his lips against yours. “Is this ok?” you whispered. “Hell yes” he replied. 

He bent his neck so you didn’t have to strain to meet him. You pressed your lips together slowly snaking your tongue inside his mouth. Your tongues met dancing together exploring each other. His fingers ran the length of your spine before settling at your hips. He pulled you on top of him without having to separate from you. You could feel how hard he was and you pressed down on him making him moan in your mouth. Your hands moved to his belt buckle removing his belt in one fluid motion. He unbuttoned your shirt pushing over your shoulders. You slipped your hand into his underwear stroking his impressive length the tip already dripping. Steve was horny to the point of pain. He moved his hips fucking your hand and was almost ready to cum then. “Wait....I don’t want to cum yet.” he said breathless dropping his head back. “Oh no, Captain, not yet.” Your voice was low and husky. Still straddling him you kissed the stubble on his jaw line down to the spot just below his ear. You felt his pulse racing against your lips. His skin was salty with sweat and smelled delicious. He was panting now. His hands were a vice grip on your hips silently begging you press down to give him release. You sat back on your heels taking off your shirt and bra giving him a little show. You stood up pulling your pants and panties down. He felt like you were moving in slow motion. You were back on him taking off his shirt. You trailed a finger over his abs marveling at the definition. The hair on his belly was sticky with his own juices. His cock looked like it was going to explode. You fisted the waistband of his pants and underwear in your hands and tugged them down. He lifted up a little to make it easier. Your eyes were locked on each other’s, Steve’s mouth open slightly breathing heavy. You slipped two fingers into his mouth and leaned down to whisper in his ear, “suck”. He obliged. Once they were wet enough you removed them and brought them down to your pussy. You leaned back so he could have an uninhibited view of your fingers dipping in. Your other hand was on your clit rubbing furiously. He steadied you with one arm at the small of your back. He wanted to touch you but you slapped his hand away. When you were almost to the point of orgasm you stopped sitting up abruptly. You lowered yourself onto his cock and rode him until you both exploded. 

After a few minutes you rolled off of his lap onto the couch. You slapped your hand down on his thigh and said, “ What do you say, Captain? Up for round two?” His lips split into a devastating grin, “I can do this all day.” And so you did twice more. Once was in the shower where you scrubbed each other clean. He pressed your back against the cold tile driving himself into you while he held your legs. The last time was bent over the foot of your bed. When you finished he collapsed his full weight on top of you. Your breathing mirrored his both sated and exhausted. He trailed kisses on the back of your neck slapping your ass as he stood up. You crawled towards your pillow. He stretched out next to you. You didn’t speak. He pulled you onto his chest and held you. As you drifted off to sleep he kissed the top of your head. That was the first night in ages that you were nightmare free. 

The next morning Sam was the first one up. He walked to the living room glancing out of the door going out to the deck. Your clothes were scattered on the ground. He chuckled to himself. Alright, Steve. He made his way to the kitchen to make coffee. Nat wandered in next, “Did I see underwear on the deck?” Sam looked over his shoulder, “Our little boy is growing up, Nat.” 

You woke up feeling way too hot. Steve was sleeping with his body curled around you. You freed yourself and slid out of the bed trying not to wake him. He didn’t stir. You got dressed and snuck out of the room. When you got to the kitchen Nat and Sam were at the table chatting. “Morning. Ooh thanks for making coffee.”  
“Y/N, wanna tell us what happened last night?” asked Sam  
“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.”  
“Is Steve still sleeping?”  
“Yep. Or I killed him. Not sure.” 

Nat’s phone rang. She stepped outside to answer. She came back in interrupting your conversation. “We have to go. That was Hill. We know what Pierce is planning for Project Insight. I’ll fill you in on the ride. On the road in 10.” Sam was on his feet gathering his things. You grabbed Steve’s clothes. Back in your bedroom Steve was awake but still lying on the pillow. He was thinking about Bucky. You opened the door peeking in. “Hey. Time for you to go to work, Captain. Nat just got a phone call. She said on the road in 10.” You sat on the bed next to him. He held your hand and brought it up to his lips to kiss your finger tips. “I don’t want to go.”  
“Ah well. You have a job to do.” He kissed your palm and rested it on his cheek. His eyes closed and he sighed deeply. “Can I see you again?” “You know where to find me.” You smiled and got off the bed, “Now March, soldier” 

You said your goodbyes. You told them to come back to visit. You couldn’t help but feel a little pang of sadness. Sam wrapped you in a bear hug. “Be safe, man.” “Thanks for everything, Y/N.”  
“Cap. We have to go” Nat shouted.  
“Be there in a sec. I’ll come back soon.”  
“You’d better. Be safe, Captain.” He kissed you deeply. You hugged him around his neck. Nat beeped the horn. He kissed you again and then he was gone. 

Later you saw on the news three Helicarriers were destroyed and crashed into the Potomac. The report said Steve was shot. You grabbed your phone and called Sam. It rang once, “He’s ok.” You hung up. You hadn’t realized you were holding your breath. 

Once Steve was out of the hospital he said his goodbyes to Nat and Fury. He looked down at Bucky’s file. “You’re going after him.” “You don’t have to come with me. I have to make a pit stop though.” Sam smiled, “Where to?” Steve smiled back. “Officially? Nowhere.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff and smut. A whole lot of relationship Steve

Officially Nowhere Ch 2

You were packing for a mission when Steve knocked on your door. You were always on high alert but more so now that SHIELD was infiltrated. Okoye assured you that you were not in danger. SHIELD didn’t even have you on their radar. You were still antsy. 

You looked at your cameras and saw that he was alone. With your hand still on your gun you opened the door slowly. “Hey” he said a half smile briefly passing his lips. “Come in” you stood aside placing your weapon on the table. He didn’t speak. He dropped his bag and went to the couch.   
“You planning on staying for a bit?”   
He noticed your bags on the other side of the room, “I was hoping to spend a couple of days with you. But I see that I should not have assumed that would be ok. When do you leave?” “Not until tomorrow night. Normally I would love for you to stay. Some things are going down so I’ve been called away.” 

You sat next to him with your legs crossed. You pat your thigh indicating that he should lie down. Once he does you rake your fingers through his hair. He hugged your knees like a pillow.   
“Sam filled me in on everything. I can help you find Bucky.”   
“You don’t have to get involved.”   
“I want to. He needs help. You can’t do it all on your own.”   
“Thank you.” You felt his tears hitting your leg. You reach down to hold his hand. “He didn’t even know me. It’s just as well. I couldn’t save him on the train and I couldn’t save him on the carrier.”   
Your heart ached for this man. You wanted to take his pain away and the only thing that would take it away is finding Bucky. “We’ll find him.” you said softly. 

He stayed quiet for a while. You continued finger combing his hair while he absentmindedly petted your leg. “Can we talk about you for a little bit?” he finally asked.   
“What about me?”  
“I did some research on the War Dogs. There wasn’t much in SHEILD’s archives. Why does Wakanda need intelligence so strategically placed?”  
“Doesn’t every country implant intelligence everywhere?”   
“Yeah. I suppose. But why you?”   
“I told you. Good will visit when I was in the hospital. They listened to my story, decided that I had valuable skills and hired me.”   
“You didn’t say you were in the hospital.”  
Crap. You told Nat your whole story. You purposefully omitted all of it when talking to Steve. “Y/N, talk to me. Why were you in the hospital?” You mentally kicked yourself. You wanted to keep all of this behind you. You certainly didn’t want Steve to look at you different. He sat up to face you. “Look at me. You don’t have to tell me about your mission or why you work for a foreign government. I want to know why Sam had to save you and why you were reported dead.” You hid your face in your hands groaning. “I don’t want to tell you. God I don’t want to tell you.” You were already starting to cry. He squeezed your thigh letting you know he was listening and told him the whole story. This time you didn’t speed through like you did with Nat. You told him as many details as you could remember. He looked angry and scared. Exactly what you wanted to avoid. “Why are you in hiding?” his voice was stern. “It has nothing to do with my unit. It is because, as a War Dog, I really can’t draw attention to myself. The mission I’m going on is to track down a vibranium smuggler. He sold a lot of it and we need to know why and , more important, how he got it out of Wakanda.”   
“That sounds like something we should look into.” You scoffed “‘We’ as in the Avengers? No way. You’ll make a mess of things. We have to be stealthy. When no one knows you’re alive no one is expecting you. I’m a ghost. I’m good at this. Stay out of it.” He trusted you but still made a mental note that this should remain on his radar. He’d ask Hill to check it out. 

“Hey” you snapped in his face. “I mean it. Let me do my job.” “Ok! I got it. The Avengers won’t interfere. Let’s move passed this. Deal? No more heavy topics. Tell me about your life before you went into the service..” You talked for hours. You told him about your family and friends. Told stories about Sam and all of the heroic things he did. He told you about Peggy and his time in battle. You added movies and music to his list in his little notebook. You ate dinner and snuggled by the fire pit. It was going to be hard to say goodbye tomorrow. You didn’t have the heart to tell him just how deep you were going. He would worry. For now you would just savor the moments you had together and hope you would see him again. 

You promised him a hike in the morning so Steve was up early. He got your packs together and went to wake you. “Hey, sleepyhead. Let’s go.” You threw the covers over your head in protest. “Oh no, ma’am. Get up or I’ll have to take you by force.” You opened one eye and said, “And how exactly do you plan to do that, Captain?” He laughed and shook his head, “You asked for it...” Little did you know, Steve had been thinking about fucking you all morning. He loved the way you looked when you were still sleeping. The blanket was barely covering you, shirt riding up exposing your back, the bottom swell of your ass just peaking out of your panties . He was already half hard. He pulled the blanket off and pinned you down in one quick motion. You wrapped your legs around his waist. “Well good morning, Captain” His facial expression was all business. “Legs down.” he said while locking his eyes on yours. You complied. With his free hand he lifted your sleep shirt. He twisted it behind your head keeping your arms in place. He sat up so he could slip your panties down. They were already wet. He ran his finger over the stickiest spot and then licked it off of his finger tip. He balled them up and grabbed your jaw forcing it open. He stuffed in your panties wet spot first. Your mouth went dry tasting yourself and laundry detergent. You tried to spit them out but he shoved them back in harder. He broke for just a minute to ask if you were ok. You nodded. He planted a quick kiss on your forehead. “We can stop any time.” Your eyes widened and you shook your head “no”. He chuckled and said, “Good.” 

Your cunt was dripping. He licked a line down to you thighs. He inhaled deeply. His eyes closed lashes fluttering. The scent was intoxicating. He licked his lips bringing them close to your pussy. You could feel his breath on your skin. He slid his arm around your waist and used his thumb and forefinger to open you up. He flicked the tip of his tongue all around your clit but never quite touching it. You were aching for relief. He flattened his tongue and pressed it on your clit. It was too much. Your hips bucked and your thigh muscles quivered. Your legs tried to close. You willed them to stay open. He slid in three fingers stretching you. He pulled his face away asking, “Are you gonna cum for me? I want you to cum for me.” You moaned in response. 

He lowered his head back down and sucked the defenseless swollen bud. He inserted a fourth finger and it hurt a little but in a very good way. His hand fucked you hard and fast. You couldn’t take it anymore and you released having the most intense orgasm of your life. He stood up and continued to finger you while he took his cock out. Without warning he was inside of you. All of him. The sensation was too much and you came again. “Already? Give me one more.” He fucked you harder. Your skin made a loud slapping sound. “You feel so good. Ah I’m gonna cum....fuck.....ah! Yes, y/n” He threw his head back slamming you down on him. You came too moaning against your panties. He pulled them out so your voice was unobstructed. You said his name and it sounded like a prayer. He pulled you close to his body and squeezed you tight. “Oh my God. That was amazing.” You kissed his cheek and said, “You weren’t half bad, Captain.” You both laughed. “Come on. You promised me a hike.” 

You hiked for about a mile and stopped in a little clearing to have lunch. “So. How long are you gone?”   
“Uhhhh I have no idea.”  
“Where will you be?”   
“Sokovia.”   
“What’s in Sokovia?”  
You rolled your eyes, “You know I can’t tell you. What’s with all the questions?”  
“I guess I care about you, kid. I don’t want you to get hurt. I want to make sure you’re safe.” You gave him your warmest smile.   
“I guess I care about you too. I don’t have any answers for you because I don’t know the answers. I don’t know if I can contact you. I have to go dark.”  
He clenched his jaw. “So I’m just supposed to hang back and worry about you?”   
“You don’t have to hang back and do anything. I’m sorry if I don’t feel any sympathy for you here. I haven’t really had anyone to answer to, Captain. I don’t plan on starting now.”  
He held your hand to his chest and bent his head to kiss your finger tips. “You had better come back to me, Y/N.”   
“Is that an order, sir?”  
“You bet your sweet ass it is.” You stayed that way for a few more seconds. ”Do you know you said Steve and not Captain when you came that last time?” You giggled and turned yourself around so your back pressed against his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around you in a warm embrace and kissed the top of your head. “I’m not sure what we’re doing here, Steve” he hugged you tighter, “I don’t know either. I know I like you...a lot. Let’s not rush anything. Does that sound ok?”   
“Sounds good to me. We need to start heading back. My ride will be here soon.” He kissed your temple, “Five more minutes.” 

Steve threw his bag in the cab of his truck. “Please be safe. I’m begging you.” You kissed each other goodbye. You wanted to make it a really good one. “I’ll let you know when I get there. That’ll be the last time you hear from me for a while though.” “I know. Ok. If I don’t get in my truck right now I’m not gonna go.” You kissed one more time. He got in the truck and drove away. As he turned on to the main road he saw a chopper flying low. Must be your ride. 

SOKOVIA 

All roads lead from Sokovia. You were sent by King T’Chaka to track down Ulysses Klaue. It is believed that, with the help of the king’s brother, Klaue was able to smuggle a large amount of Vibranium out of Wakanda. You had to find out why. You were joined by War Dogs from London and Seoul under the cover of humanitarian relief workers. You were there for several weeks before all hell broke loose. Once the Ultron bots ascended onto the city, your team was instructed to head home. You knew Steve would be there. You asked to stay to help but your orders were clear. “This is not our fight” Okoye barked. You and your friend Grant packed the jet. You kept looking around. You were searching for him. “He’s not here yet. I would imagine the Avengers don’t know anything pertinent as of now. That amount of vibranium will level the city.”  
”All the more reason we should stay to help.”  
“Help how? Your boyfriend and his friends don’t want help. They only worry about their own agendas. The best way we can help is by getting out of the way.”   
You boarded the jet. Before take off you sent the stolen weapons schematics to Maria Hill. Maybe you couldn’t stop Ultron but you could nudge the Avengers in the right direction. 

Hill received your message. At the bottom was a note for Steve. Hill gave the information to the team.   
“That’s handy information. Wonder how it landed in our laps.” Nat said smiling.   
“I think this part was just for you, Cap” she handed him the note. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before reading it. 

“You didn’t get this from me. You had better come back to me, Captain.   
<3,  
Y/F/I (your first initial)”

He smiled, folded the paper and stuffed it in his pocket. 

The intention was to go back home after Wakanda but there was a lot to clean up. You hadn’t talked to Steve but, thanks to your home surveillance, you know he passed by. You weren’t ready to talk to him yet. There were talks of accords...basically a leash on the Avengers. You thought it was a solid idea. Steve wouldn’t. Just as you were about to put him out of your head you got a text from a colleague in Romania, Sergeant Barnes was spotted. You groaned and rolled your eyes. You could just forward the text to him but you knew he would call for more details. Shit. You dialed his number. It barely rang before he picked up, “Y/N? Where are you? I haven’t heard from you. I thought the worst.”   
“I’m alive. I’m dealing with a mess here no thanks to you.” He heard the irritation in your voice. Best not to argue.   
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just happy to hear your voice. When are you coming back?”   
“Soon. Look I don’t have much time to talk. Bucky is in Romania.”   
“Romania? Ok. Can you meet Sam and I there? We can take him back with us...”  
“No, Steve. I need a break. I’m going home. I’m not running around Eastern Europe chasing shadows. I said I would help you and I have. If I hear anything more I’ll send it your way.”   
Steve was confused. You did not sound like yourself. He guessed you were upset about everything that had happened. He understood. He just wanted to see you. To hold you. “Can I see you when you get back?”   
“Won’t you be in Romania?”   
“It can wait.”  
“I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.”  
“I’ll be there waiting for you.” 

You found Nakia and told her you had to leave. She hugged you and got you on the first flight out. “He’s a good man, Nakia.” “The most well intentioned usually are. I hope all of this is worth it to him.” You embraced again and then got on the plane. The whole way back you were unable to rest. No one is perfect. Not even King T’Chaka could control his own brother. You supposed we were all pretty short sighted when it came to those we love. 

As promised Steve was waiting for you when you got home. He took your bags and followed you in. He waited for you to speak. “I’m going to take a shower. You coming?” He smiled and bit his knuckle. He followed the trail of clothes down the hall. Once in the bathroom he stripped and got in the shower. Your mouth was on his immediately. His cock pressed firm into your hip. You reached down to start stroking him. He moaned in your mouth. He grabbed your hips, turned you around pressing your breasts against the cold tile, he lifted your leg and entered you from behind. You both came fast. Once you caught your breath you finished showering without talking. You did this little dance reserved for couples who have been together for several years. You scrubbed his back he washed your hair. This was comfortable and you didn’t want it to end. Maybe it didn’t have to. 

You spent the rest of the night crossing movies off of his list. “You were right. Hans Gruber is the best movie villain.” “SEE?! I told you! Want to start Harry Potter?!” He laughed and pulled you off the couch. “Bed now. Harry Potter tomorrow.” 

You rested your head on his chest. He ran his fingers up and down your spine. “Wanna talk about Sakovia?” He said yawning.   
“No. It’s over and done. I do want to ask you something. You can say no. You can say it’s too soon. I know you’re looking for a place. I was wondering if you want your place to be here.” He didn’t say anything for several minutes. “Say something. Please.” “Are you asking me to move in?”  
“I’m not not asking you. But if you want to then yes.”   
“Yes. Yeah. I want to move in. I might have to stay at the compound sometimes. Yes.”   
You smiled against his skin and he brought your hand to his lips to kiss your palm. “I wanted to say something to you too. While we were apart I missed you so much.”   
“I missed you too.”   
“And I realized that I couldn’t miss someone so much if I didn’t love them.” He heard you snore softly. “Y/N? Damn it.” He brushed hair out of your face peaking down to see you completely asleep. “I love you, Y/N.” 

You were up very early the next morning to work. You made coffee and toasted bagels. That was about as domestic as you could be at the moment. Okoye wanted a status briefing. You were waiting on her to come online when Steve wandered in. “Good morning, beautiful” he said after kissing your forehead. “Morning. There’s coffee. I’m getting ready to get on a video chat. You need to stay out of sight.” He saluted you, “Yes, ma’am.” Okoye rang in. Next to her was Prince T’Challa.   
“Good morning, Mhibu. I trust you arrived home safely.”   
“Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you again for the ride.”   
“It is always my pleasure. Let’s get to it so the General can stop breathing down my neck.” Okoye did not look pleased. She never does.   
“Y/L/N, did you deliver the package?”  
“Yes, ma’am. All parties were satisfied.”   
“That is good news. You missed weapons training this morning. Your aim was sloppy last time. Also, Princess Shuri perfected the range on your Kimoyo beads. We’ll send them with a messenger in a few days. Please keep them on this time. It is important for your safety.” Prince T’Challa rolled his eyes.   
“Okoye, let Mhibu get back to Captain Rogers. She’ll will be back with us soon enough. I am sure you can scold her more then.” She clenched her jaw and bowed to him before marching away. “I am going to get an earful later.” You both laughed. He bid you farewell and you ended your call.   
You didn’t look back at Steve who, most assuredly, had a lot of questions. “Go ahead. I know you want to ask.”   
“What does Mhibu mean?”   
“It’s Swahili for ‘dear one’. The Queen gave me that nickname and it stuck. Next?”  
“What kind of weapons? What are Kimoyo beads...” You held your hands up asking for mercy.   
“The Wakandans make weapons out of vibranium. It was likely some sort of knife or spear. Kimoyo beads contain my medical information, can start a vehicle, and can act as a communicator. I switched them off on my last mission. The General was pissed.”   
“It’s like you left one army for another.”  
“Yeah but this army is lead by women and the toys are much cooler.”   
“I can work on your aim with you if you want. Maybe we can work on your hand to hand combat skills.”   
“Captain, I am not an enhanced person. I don’t think it would be a fair fight.”   
“Fine. Come back to the compound with me. No one will know you are there. You can work with Nat or Hill.”   
“I don’t think so. I’m fine waiting.”  
“Oh come on. It’ll be fun. I’m dying to introduce you around. Show you off a little.” You giggled to yourself. “I’m sure Sam would love to see you. Please.”   
“Fine. I have about an hours worth of work to do here. If you can stop distracting me we’ll go.” He made a zipping motion over his lips and left the room. 

You didn’t know why but you were nervous. Steve seemed excited almost giddy that you were meeting his friends. It was a long drive so you packed an overnight bag. The trip up was fun. You talked a lot about nothing. You played him some music you liked. You made him listen to Sgt. Pepper in its entirety. Once you got closer he could see you were anxious. He held your hand and squeezed, “Relax. You will be great.” You gave him an uneasy smile. 

You pulled in and saw Sam waiting in the garage. You jumped out of the truck and he wrapped you in a bear hug.   
“Look at that smile. You look good, girl. Love agrees with you.” You punched his arm, “Don’t tease me. I can take you out.”   
He put his arm around your shoulder, “Come on. Everyone is waiting.” You shot a look at Steve who just shrugged. 

When you walked inside most of the team was in the kitchen talking. Noticeably absent were Thor and Dr. Banner. Nat came over kissing your cheek. “Good to see you.” You looked her over, “How did everything heal up?” She flashed her skin. A small scar was visible but nothing major, “I’m amazing.” Steve wrapped an arm around your waist and said, “Can I borrow my girl?” Nat rolled her eyes but relented. Steve brought you over to meet the rest of the team. Clint and Rhodey stood and shook your hand. Vision did the same. Wanda kept her distance but was friendly. Tony came over and hugged you patting you on the back.   
“Well look at this. Grandpa got himself a lady. Nice to meet you, Y/N. We have heard very little about you. It’s good to see you exist. We thought Jan over here was having himself a George Glass moment.” You laughed remembering those old episodes of “The Brady Bunch” you used to watch as a kid. Steve did not understand the reference. “ It’s from a tv show. I’ll explain why it was funny later.”   
“So, friend. Are you staying for a few days?” Before you can answer Steve spoke up.   
“She doesn’t want to train with me. I said I would go easy on her.” You looked back at him and scoffed. “Go easy on me? Please. I have more training than you ever had. You rely on strength and dumb luck.” Everyone laughed.   
“Only one way to settle this.” Tony said pointing to the door off the kitchen.   
Steve rubbed your shoulders and took a very condescending tone, “Baby, you don’t want all of this.”   
“That sounds like a challenge.” Sam teased   
“It sure did” you said as you tied your hair back. Clint clapped his hands twice, “We have ourselves a fight, ladies and gentleman.” 

Tony payed out some ground rules. “Ok. Classic take downs only. No hitting below the belt. And please, Y/N don’t mess up Cap’s pretty face huh?” Your face was serious. You squared off and crouched planning your first move.   
“Come on, Y/N. Make a move.” You remained calm and quiet. You blocked out the chatter in the room and focused on Steve. He kept urging you to strike. He was trying to get in your head. Just like you and Okoye practiced, you pounced. You lead with your shoulder driving it into his abdomen catching him off guard. You dropped and swept his knee knocking him on his ass. He hit the mat hard and everyone cheered. In one swift movement you were on his chest pinning his shoulders to the mat. 

“I underestimated you” Steve said out of breath “I won’t make that mistake again.” He took you to the ground and grabbed the neck of your shirt which is exactly what you wanted him to do. You fought hard to free one of your hands. He hadn’t even broken a sweat. You grabbed his left hand with your right hand, twisted and applied enough force to really hurt his wrist. You had him locked in place. His only option was to roll and throw you off which might really hurt you. He felt like that might be a dick move. Damn this hurts! He thought to himself. With that he tapped. You let him go and collapsed. Your heart raced and you coughed while trying to fill your lungs with air. He helped you up and patted your back “You ok?” You did not feel this was a deserved victory. “Yeah fine. You let me win.”   
“I did not. You are a tough little cookie.” You elbowed him in the gut. “Don’t patronize me, Captain.” 

Tony handed you a towel. High fives all around from the team. “You need a beer, kid?” Sam asked. “Like ten of them.” You went back into the kitchen. Clint and Rhodey recounted your fight praising your take down skills. Nat hung behind with Steve who was wiping down the mat.   
“You ok, Cap?”   
“Fine. Only thing hurting is my pride.”   
“You deserved it you know.”   
“Did I?”   
“You called her a weakling in front of your friends. Lucky she’s not me. I would have stabbed you.” 

Back in his room you were getting ready for bed. Nat and Clint promised to spar with you first thing. Since they are not enhanced in any way you felt like your skill set was fairly even. Steve sat on the bed untying his shoes. You passed in front of him silently going back and forth from your bag to the bathroom. He watched you thinking of what to say. 

The next time you passed he grabbed your arm, “Would you look at me?”   
“Nope. Let me go, please.” He loosened his grip still holding your hand.   
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make fun of you in front of everyone. I was only joking and didn’t think it would hurt your feelings.” You pulled your hand free and went back into the bathroom locking the door behind you. 

He got into bed deciding to give you space. Once you washed your face you were able to calm down a little. You got into bed and laid on his chest. He hugged you close. “Where did I go wrong?” you played with the draw string on his shorts and finally said, “Back at my house when you offered to work on my aim with me.”   
“Damn it. I knew it. And when I teased you in the kitchen I just made it ten times worse didn’t I?”   
“Yep.”   
“I really am sorry. Do you forgive me?” he said pouting. You rolled your eyes. “Do you think you’re cute?”   
“I mean a little.” He flashed that heart stopping smile again and pulled you in for a kiss.   
“Of course I forgive you.” You kissed him again.   
“Hey. I was trying to tell you something last night and you fell asleep before I could finish.” He cleared his throat. You rested your head on your hand so you could see his face better. He looked nervous. He started again. “I was thinking about when we were apart how much I missed you. I thought that the only way I could miss someone that much is if I loved them. So...that’s what I wanted to say.” Your heart skipped a beat. “You wanted to say you love me?”   
“Well yeah. I love you, Y/N. I didn’t know if it was possible to love someone this much but I do.” You climbed on top of him and kissed him deeply. His hands were on your back rubbing gently. You pulled away, “I love you too, Steve.” You spent the rest of the night showing him just how much


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your life crashes with Steve’s

Chapter 3

Over the last few months you and Steve were living a blissfully mundane life. Things were quiet in Wakanda so they asked you to stay state side. Steve only went to the compound a few days a week. Sometimes you would tag along. You liked visiting with Clint and Laura and their children. Steve loved watching you with the kids. Even though you repeatedly said you did not want children he knew you really did. He wouldn’t push the issue.

Everything was so easy that you didn’t even bat an eye when Steve said he and the team were headed to Nigeria. Sure it would be dangerous. They were going after Rumlow and the remainder of the STRIKE team. This would not be an easy mission. He talked to you a lot about strategy and how to minimize casualties. A man like Rumlow would likely go for a big showdown because the Avengers Initiative was already under scrutiny.

“Ok, my love, I’m out of here. I’ll call when we land.” You jump up to kiss Steve goodbye.  
“K. I love you. Stay safe. I’ll see you in a few days.” He kisses you deeply dropping his shield which makes an awful sound.  
“I love you too. See you in a few days.”  
“You come back to me, Captain.”  
“Yes, ma’am.” He smiles and he’s out the door.

It was literally disgusting how much you loved Steve Rogers. You’ve never been this happy in your life. _Don’t get too comfortable. With the lives you lead there’s bound to be pain._ You shoved that thought into the back of your mind and tried to carry on with your day. You just had a nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong. That made you do something you vowed never to do. You hacked into Steve’s computer. Even though you knew he wouldn’t walk back in you still felt paranoid.

Most of the time when girls snooped they were looking for evidence of cheating. Maybe porn. Even his porn was boring. He’d run screaming if he knew what you were really into.

No. You were looking for mission reports. You looked for anything that could give you insight into what Steve was really getting into. You knew some details. They were going after Rumlow. You didn’t know what was in Nigeria. You skimmed some building plans. Looks like a lab. You searched the name of the lab and found mostly pharmaceutical research. Back to Steve’s notes there was mention of a bio weapon. That was it. That was a major operation.

You paced back and forth thinking of all the questions he asked over the last few weeks of the planning phase. Why didn’t you see it? Nat Steve and Sam were highly trained and could handle this sort of thing. Not Wanda. She was too unstable and inexperienced to be on this type of mission. They should have taken Rhodey or Tony instead of her. It pissed you off that they routinely excluded them. Steve was trying to distance himself from Tony a little. You didn’t like any of it.

You decided that was enough intelligence gathering for the day. Quite frankly the whole thing gave you a migraine. You checked your calendar and saw that you had a meeting with T’Challa soon. The UN was meeting in Vienna in a few days and he wanted to go over security.

“Good morning, Mhibu. How is your life of domestic bliss?” T’Challa teased you like a brother. He loved seeing you happy but had reservations about Steve’s motives.  
“It’s going well. Thank you. Have you spoken with Nakia?”  
“I’m afraid not. Nakia is on her own path. She will find her way back to me. I know her heart.” His face went from joyous to thoughtful. He and Nakia have been in love since they were children. Nakia wanted to save the world. She couldn’t do that from Wakanda. You cleared your throat.  
“Well, your highness, Vienna looks pretty well secure. No vehicles are allowed within a 20 block radius. Your security team has already been granted upper level clearance. The floor of your hotel is virtually empty. I think you’re good.”  
“Perfect. Thank you for all of your hard work. When will we see you again? Mother has been asking for you.”  
“Soon. Steve is in Nigeria now. Hopefully when he gets back I can talk him in to taking the trip.”  
“Nigeria? Where exactly?”  
“Lagos I think.” His expression changed quickly.  
“We have a good will team in Lagos right now.” Your heart sank. There it was again. That overwhelming sense of dread.  
“Yikes. Maybe reach out to them? Let them know to be on the look out.”  
“I will, Mhibu. Please contact me at once when you speak with Captain Rogers.”  
“Yes, sir.” He hung up without saying goodbye. You tried calling Steve. No answer. He was in the air no doubt.

You spent the rest of the day pacing the floor. You didn’t eat. The very thought of food turned your stomach. You couldn’t sleep but your body was exhausted. Steve finally called early the next morning. You jumped when your phone rang.  
“Steve? Hey.”  
“Y/N. It’s bad. We stopped Rumlow. He ran into a market. It was so crowded. He detonated explosives. Wanda contained the blast and transported it into a building  
“How many dead?”  
“Thirty. Ten of them were from Wakanda. I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you before you heard from someone else.”  
You dropped the phone and ran to the sink to vomit. Steve tried calling out to you but you didn’t answer. Your Kimoyo beads started alerting. It was Okoye.  
“Y/L/N, you are needed. Transportation will be to you within the hour.” You nodded and she hung up. You scrambled to pack a bag and called Steve.

“Hey, my girl. We have things pretty sewn up here. We’re on the jet. Be home by late tonight.”  
“I won’t be. I’ve been called back. I’m leaving shortly. They will call for Wanda’s prosecution. You should know that.”  
“She’s just a kid.”  
“Right which is why she shouldn’t have been out there. She’s too inexperienced to have dealt with Rumlow. You knew that. People died, Steve. My friends. I have to go face their families. I can’t protect her. I’ll call you when I get there. You should stay at the compound.”  
“Are you kicking me out?”  
“Of course not. You should stay with Wanda. I have to go. I love you.”  
“I love you too. Come home soon. Please.” You hung up.

You reached Wakanda before daylight. You were ushered into the palace. King T’Chaka and the Council were waiting.  
“Y/N. Please come in. What can you tell us about Wanda Maximoff?” You stood before the Council. Your hands trembled.  
“She has scientifically enhanced magical abilities. She can warp reality. She can manipulate time matter energy and the laws of probability. She was the subject of genetic experimentation by Hydra along with her twin brother Pietro. He was killed in Sokovia.”  
“What do you know about the mission in Lagos?”  
“Nothing. I am not privy to such information.”  
“I see.”  
“Miss Y/L/N, this Council would hate to accuse you of protecting your boyfriend. May we remind you that you are an outsider to Wakanda. The King and Queen have accepted you. Not everyone on this Council shares their sentiment.”  
“Counselor M’Bali with all due respect, Captain Rogers and I do not discuss sensitive matters. I have more than earned the respect of the Royal Family. I will continue to do my best to earn yours.”  
“Miss Y/L/N do you support the Sokovia Accords?” asked King T’Chaka. You were quiet for a moment fighting back tears.  
“Yes, Your Grace. I support them fully.”  
“Do you think Captain Rogers will support them as well?” You almost laughed. You knew Steve wouldn’t agree. Moreover you knew if he found out you knew, it would break his heart.  
“I don’t think he will be quite as accepting.”  
“Secretary Ross will be presenting the Avengers with the proposal. You will return home to convince him.”  
“Your Grace, Steven Grant Rogers is as stubborn as an ox. But I will do my best. When will I be leaving? I would like to pay my respect to the deceased.”  
“Of course. Stay for a few days. You’ll fly home before we leave for Vienna. Please, join us for breakfast. My wife is longing to see you.” You bow and go to your room to freshen up. You felt weak and bone tired.

When you got to the dining room Queen Ramonda stood to embrace you. “Mhibu! Beautiful girl. I’ve missed you.” The Queen served as your surrogate mother over the last few years. When she first met you in the hospital, she wept when you told her how you came to be injured. She insisted on helping you get back to your family. T’Challa explained to her that, because your own men hurt you, it would cause an international incident if you left the country with the help of a foreign government. With that, she arranged for you to return to Wakanda. She would not take no for an answer.

“I don’t mean to sound insensitive but, you don’t look well.”  
“I know. I’ve been traveling all night and haven’t really eaten.”  
“Well come sit. Eat.” Shuri comes in and kisses her mother. “Wow! Y/N, you look like shit.”  
“SHURI! Apologize.” You just laughed. Shuri was never one to mince words.  
“Let me look you over after breakfast.” You agree and finally start eating. Others come to join you. You feel more like yourself.

The remains of the good will ambassadors are returning. The Royal Family is hosting a memorial service to honor the deceased and to pray for their souls to enter into their next chapter. You stood with these families sharing their tears, their pain. You prayed with them and listened to their stories. Your sympathy was not enough. Even getting justice was not enough. Putting Wanda in prison would not bring their loved ones back. You had to make sure no other family suffered at the hands of the Avengers.

Once you collected yourself you found Shuri. You were starting to feel sick again. Maybe it was the heat but you were feeling queasy. “Ok, Y/N. Lie down. Let’s have a look.” She started scanning your body starting at your head. “Uh huh. Here’s your problem right here.”  
“What?!” you said squinting at the image “What is that?”  
“Well that’s your uterus. Here is a sack. And there is your baby. See the heartbeat, Mhibu? I would say you are around eight weeks. I’ll get a midwife.”  
You laid on the table in complete shock. You hadn’t spoken to Steve since yesterday. You knew he was dealing with a lot. So were you. A midwife came over to confirm the scan. “Yes, Y/N. Congratulations. Looks like you are nine weeks along. Very healthy.”  
“Shuri, not a word about this to anyone until I talk to Steve.”  
“Of course. Your secret is safe with me.”

You went to your room and called Steve. He sounded upset.  
“Y/N, I’m glad you called. I’m heading to London. Sharon...Peggy passed away.”  
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry.”  
“Can you come with me?”  
“Of course. I’ll be there first thing in the morning. I love you.”  
“I love you too.”

You said your goodbyes to the family. Shuri gave you some prenatal vitamins and something for nausea. Queen Ramonda’s eyes widened and she winked at you. You smiled and put your finger to your lips.

LONDON

You met Steve at the church. He was quiet. You sat with Sam and Nat. The services were beautiful. Peggy was such an accomplished woman. You understood why he loved her. After the service was over he talked with Sharon. You hung back.  
“Are you two ok?” Sam asked.  
“Yeah. I think so. We haven’t really talked.”  
“That was a bombshell Ross dropped on us. Did you know about the accords?”  
“Yes. I’m sorry but I did.”  
“Steve is pissed.”  
“I watched ten families say goodbye to there loved ones today, Sam. I’m tired of all this bloodshed.”  
“I’m sorry you had to do that but you can’t possibly agree....”  
“I agree that there needs to be oversight.”  
“When it’s an emergency we can’t wait for a committee to decide if we step in.”  
“I agree. The US also can’t unleash super people onto foreign soil. Look, I don’t want to talk about this here.”  
“You’re right. Let’s go check on our boy.”

You joined Steve and Sharon. Steve put his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his body. “Hey, stranger” he said softly.  
“How are you doing?” He pressed his lips to your forehead.  
“Could be better. Thank you for being here.”  
“Of course. I didn’t want you to be alone.” He hugged you tighter and all but collapsed in your arms. You cried too but not for the same reasons.  
Sam came into the room and cleared his throat. “You guys. I’m sorry to interrupt but you have to see this” There was an explosion in Vienna. King T’Chaka was killed. News footage showed Bucky at the scene. “Oh my God” you said covering your mouth. “I have to go.” They raced behind you helping you gather your things. “Y/N that’s not him..”  
“Stop.” You tried holding back tears dialing your phone to arrange transport.  
“We can get you there faster than someone can get to you” Sharon said “Please let us help.” Steve tried to grab your hand but you pulled away. Your phone rang. It was one of the Dora calling instead of Okoye. “The General requested that you meet the Prince in Vienna at once.” “I’m on my way. Who is with him?” “He is alone.” “Ok. I will be to him within the hour.”

You got on the jet and flew in silence. Once you were closer you changed clothes and still refused to make eye contact with Steve. He was watching you actively avoid him. “Can you say something? Please?”  
“What would you have me say? He is...was like a father to me. T’Challa is alone.”  
“I’m sorry. I know how you are feeling but...”  
“You have no idea how I’m feeling.” You landed and grabbed your bag. Before exiting the plane you looked at Steve who was standing now. “I will not stop Prince T’Challa from seeking justice for his father. Get to Bucky before he does.”  
“Wait. Where does this leave us?”  
“I honestly don’t know.”  
“Please don’t walk away from me. I love you” his voice broke.  
“Then admit that Bucky can’t be saved and let us take care of it.”  
“He can be, Y/N. I know he can. I have to help him.”  
“Bucky didn’t become this way because of you. Don’t you see? This isn’t your fault.”  
“I LOST HIM THAT DAY. I CANNOT AND WILL NOT LOSE HIM AGAIN.” This is the first time Steve has ever raised his voice to you. It stung like a slap. “Please, Y/N. I’m sorry this is happening. What happened...neither of us can change that. We can’t walk away from each other right now. I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you. Tell me you love me.” he grabbed your hand and kissed your fingertips then your palm and pressed it to his face. You held his face for a moment. Your phone was ringing. Sharon called after him. You tried pulling away but he held you tighter.  
“Please. I have to go. “  
“Tell me..”  
“Stop. I have to go.”  
“Y/N, please. Tell me you love me.” You couldn’t speak. Of course you loved him. You couldn’t get your dumb brain to make words. You were shaking and crying. He was crying. “I love you, Steve. I have to go.” He let your hand go. You rushed off without looking back.

T’Challa sat on a bench outside of the UN building. His father’s blood spattered his shirt. You sat next to him not knowing if you should touch him or even speak. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there.”  
“Mhibu what use would it have been to have you there? He could not have been saved.” He held your hand. You had never laid eyes on Bucky Barnes other than the pictures in his file but you couldn’t help but feel responsible. “I won’t stand in your way, Prince T’Challa.”  
“Of course you will. For the man you love you will move mountains. I cannot fault you. And I love my father. The love that a child has for a parent is immeasurable. I will kill Sergeant Barnes. Captain Rogers will need you.”  
“But I love you too. Your family has shown me more kindness. I don’t know where I would be without you. I am responsible.”  
“No, you aren’t. The man responsible will answer for his crimes.” He hugged you but it did not have anything behind it. He was still in shock. He slipped on his father’s ring and was off.

Nat was already in Vienna but was not injured in the blast. She spoke to T’Challa briefly as well. When she found you on the bench she sat down and said, “Steve and Sam are here.”  
“Yes”  
“They’ll try find Bucky”  
“Yep”  
“What will happen if T’Challa does first?”  
“He’ll kill him. Or he’ll die trying.” You knew T’Challa would use every resource at his disposal including his suit.  
“You have to know this won’t end well.”  
“Yep.”  
“What will you do?”  
“You’re asking me who will I choose. Ask the right questions, Natasha.”  
“Are you ready to answer that question?”  
“No.” You put your head in your hands and wept. She rubbed your back.  
“I wish I could tell you the answer. This is a tough one, buddy.”  
“I’m pregnant.” Her eyes got wide and she gasped.  
“Shit. Does Steve know?”  
“No.”  
“Shit.”  
“Yep.”

After the tussle with German Special Forces in Bucharest everyone was transferred to Berlin. You and Nat waited in a conference room with Tony who was on the phone with Secretary Ross. You didn’t have access to Steve so you went to T’Challa first.  
“Prince T’Challa, are you hurt?”  
“No. Go back to Wakanda. Escort the King home. This is not a fight you can be a part of.”  
“I should help.”  
“And risk your safety? I cannot ask you to do that. Mother will have my head if anything happens to you or the baby. You know I can take care of myself.”  
“Shuri?”  
“My sister has a big mouth.” You both laughed. “Have you told Captain Rogers?”  
“I hardly think this is the time.”  
“He should know. He’s about to risk everything. He should know who he should really fight for.” You nodded.  
“Will they release your father to me?”  
“I will arrange it. You won’t have long. Go. Speak with him.”  
“Please be careful.”  
“Always.” You hugged him and then left to find Steve. He was sitting at the table being scolded by Tony.  
“Ah, Y/N. Are you here as a Wakandan operative or Steve’s girlfriend?”  
“Tony...”Nat tried to interrupt. Steve went to speak up but you put your hand up to signal to him that you were ok.  
“Both. Steve can I to you alone?”  
“Hey don’t try to help him escape. He’s been a bad boy.”  
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Tony.”  
You stepped out into the hall. There were too many people. You found an empty room and pulled him in. You wrapped your arms around him and he hugged you back so tight.  
“What’s going to happen?”  
“Secretary Ross is calling for our prosecution. I’m sorry to put you in this position.”  
“It’s fine. I knew the risks going in.” He smiled and kissed you.  
“I’m going to escort the King back to Wakanda. I feel like I shouldn’t stick around for what’s going to happen next.”  
“Ok. I’ll keep in touch with you the best I can.”  
“I know. I have to tell you something. Steve, I’m pregnant.” He stepped back to look at you. His mouth went dry. He was speechless.  
“You don’t have to be a part of our lives. I know you have more pressing things to worry about. We’ll be fine....” You paced and stared at the floor while you spoke.  
“Look at me.” He grabbed your shoulders to stop you from moving.  
“Are you serious right now? How far...how long have you known?”  
“Just a few days. It was never the right time to tell you. Now that you’re about to do something incredibly dangerous, it seemed like the only time to do it.” He held you and kissed you. It was the deepest most passionate kiss you could imagine.  
“I’m going to take such good care of the two of you.”  
“I would hope so. I have to go. You had better come back to us, Captain.”  
“Yes, ma’am. Hey. I love you.”  
“I love you too.”

You had the devastating task of riding with the Dora’s to escort the King home. The Queen and Princess Shuri met them. You stepped away to give them some privacy. You could hear them. The grief was palpable. You excused yourself and hid in your room. A few hours later Queen Ramonda was at your door.  
“How are you feeling?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.  
You patted the bed for her to sit. “I’m ok. Tired.”  
“Hmm. I remember when I was pregnant for Shuri chasing after T’Challa. He was so full of life. I was not.”  
“So he was high spirited?”  
“To say the least. Have you told Captain Rogers?”  
“I have. He took it well. Shocked but happy. I didn’t get a chance to really tell you how sorry I am. I should have gone to Vienna.”  
“Hush. It was his time. His next chapter is beginning. He is at peace. All of this pomp and circumstance. The crying and carrying on. That is for the living.”  
“T’Challa does not share the same sentiment.”  
“No. My son is not his father. He will learn.”  
“In the mean time my boyfriend and my adopted brother are fighting. I’m worried.”  
“I trust T’Challa to show restraint. Captain Rogers is a good man. I trust he will do the same.” She kissed your forehead and left to rest. You could not possibly close your eyes. You stared at the wall wishing one of them would call to let you know everything was ok.

It had been two days and still no word from Steve. Your midwife was breathing down your neck for an appointment but you didn’t want to go without him. You kept yourself busy working with Shuri. You started looking through news reports and anything you could find trying to get a location. You called Sam. No answer.  
You tried Nat, “Nat? Have you heard from him?”  
“No. Sam, Wanda, Clint and Scott are being held at the moment. I was going to call you. We really need to find him, Y/N.” Your blood went cold. “Why? So you can lock him up too?”  
“He almost killed Tony. Rhodey is paralyzed. No one wants him in prison.”  
“Ross does.”  
“Please. I don’t want this to get worse.”  
“Well I haven’t heard from him.”  
“Ok. If you do...” You hung up. You found a renewed purpose and started looking for the prison.

Finally, the next day, Shuri heard from T’Challa. He was visibly shaken. “It wasn’t Barnes. I almost killed the wrong man.”  
“Where are they now?” you asked looking up the coordinates for the Hydra base.  
“Mhibu, when I left, Steve and Tony were fighting. Really fighting. Steve almost killed him. I don’t know where he and Barnes went. I’m sorry.” You had to sit down. Your stomach turned into terrible knots. You were going to be sick. You tried his phone again. No answer.

T’Challa returned. He spent some time with his family before coming to find you.  
“How are you?”  
“Worried.”  
“I promised Captain Rogers I would take care of you myself.”  
“No. Please don’t say that. That means he’s not coming back. He promised.”  
“We will find him, Mhibu. I will bring your Captain home.” He hugged you and you cried into his shoulder.

T’Challa received word from Everette Ross that there was a breach in the floating prison. Steve sent his communication device back to Tony. No way to track any of them. He was in shock when he heard from Steve the next morning.

Until they could figure out how to deprogram him, Bucky asked to go back into the ice. Wakanda had the capabilities and could keep him safe. Steve watched Bucky as he was frozen. “I believe there is someone waiting for you, Captain.” Steve smiled and shook his hand.

When he found you you were bent over a computer screen tapping your pencil on the desk. “Don’t we have an appointment to get to?” You dropped your cup, jumped up from your seat and ran over. “Should we clean that up?” “After you kiss me.” And so he did. You held each other for what felt like ages. “I promised I’d come back” he said against your hair. “I knew you would.” “Come on. I want to see my baby.” “Wait. Where’s Sam and Bucky? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” “We have all the time in the world to talk about this, kid. Let’s go.”

The midwife was waiting for you. She shook Steve’s hand and let you get on the table. Wakanda had technology far superior to anywhere else so they were able to scan the baby without an ultrasound. She pulled up the screen and turned up the volume. “Is that his heartbeat?”  
“What makes you so sure that’s a he?”  
“Lucky guess?”  
“The baby is not big enough to see yet if it is a boy or a girl.” said the midwife “If you want to know I can run some tests.” You looked at each other. You were eager to know. “What do you think, mommy. Should we wait?”  
“I want to know now if that’s ok.”  
“Whatever you want.”  
“Yes. We want to know.” She touched some points on the screen.  
“I am analyzing the baby’s chromosomal make up. This will spot any abnormalities and will determine if Captain Rogers passed on the X or Y chromosome. It will just take a few minutes.” Steve stared at the screen watching the baby’s heart beating. “Is it’s heart supposed to beat so fast.” She smiled, “Yes. Your daughter’s heart is perfectly healthy.” His eyes filled with tears. He kissed your cheek and watched your daughter’s heart beating.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: I’m spoiling this chapter for a trigger warning for child loss. If you have lost a child in any way this chapter (and the remainder of the story) May be too much for you

BIRTH 

Over the next several months you stayed in a little house in the boarderlands of Wakanda. Sam also moved with you. He had his own place just a stones throw away. 

Your first trimester was traumatic to say the least. You spent most of your time vomiting or you always felt like you might vomit. Steve would rub you back while you hugged the toilet. 

“The baby books say this is good. It means the baby is healthy.” he said as he wiped your forehead with a cool towel. He kissed your temple and pushed your hair out of your face. The thought of Steve reading pregnancy books made you laugh. You didn’t see how constantly being sick was healthy but you took it in stride. 

In your second trimester you were feeling much better. You had a lot of energy and, much to Steve’s amusement, you were now insanely horny. You could not get enough of him. You would jump him in the shower, while he was lying on the couch reading, in the kitchen while he was trying to cook dinner.

“Hey, Captain” you said smiling. You trailed your hand along the waistband of his pants. “Y/N we already did it twice this morning.” He didn’t stop you. You got down on your knees and unsheathed his cock. He groaned when you took him in your mouth. You teased him with your tongue and swallowed him deeper. He couldn’t help but to move his hips in rhythm with your movements. You sucked him harder bobbing your head faster. “Your mouth feels so good.” You moaned in response. You were getting so wet. You let your hand fall between your legs. “Mmmm I love watching you touch yourself. Are you gonna cum with me?” His jaw clenched and his body got stiff and he shot his load into your throat. The sensation tipped you over the edge into your own orgasm. Once you release him he pulled you up to the couch to lay on his chest. 

“You’re gonna to kill me, kid.”   
You giggled, “Sorry. Last time for today I promise.”   
“Maybe we should think about exercising instead of fucking to burn off all that energy?”   
“Bite your tongue, Captain. You had better enjoy it now. Once this little one gets here we won’t ever have the time or energy to enjoy each other.”   
“We’ll find a way. Come on. Let’s go take a walk. I’ll see if Sam wants to join.”

Steve knocked on Sam’s door. “Hey. We’re going for a walk. Want to come?”   
“I’m headed up to the palace. Shuri’s been working on my wings. We’re doing a test flight.”   
“That sounds like fun. Mind if we tag along?”  
“Not at all.” you came outside “There she is. How are you feeling today?”  
“Feeling pretty good. You coming with?”   
“We’re going up to the palace. Sam’s trying his new wings.”  
You rolled your eyes, “Shuri got her claws into you I see. This should be interesting.” 

You met Shuri who had all kinds of modifications to Sam’s suit. You all went outside to watch him test it out.   
“Captain Rogers, my team thinks we have found away to wake Sergeant Barnes. We’ve made some good progress and he is ready. We’ll continue his rehabilitation and I’ve also made him a new arm.” Steve nearly cried. “Thank you, Shuri. When can you expect him to be up and around?” “In the next few days. We’ll let you know when he is ready for company.” 

Once Sam came down he and Shuri went back inside to do a few more things. You were starting to get tired so you walked back. Steve was quiet. “What’s going on in there? You look like you have something on your mind.” “They’re waking up Bucky.” “Really? That’s exciting. Why don’t you look excited?” “I am. I worry is all.” “Steve he’s been in excellent hands. I’m sure they wouldn’t wake him if they thought he was still a threat.” “You’re right. Come on. You need a nap.” 

Your third trimester came fast. You loved your belly and the secret time you spent talking to your daughter. Since Bucky moved into the other house near you Steve was pretty preoccupied with helping him through his recovery. Sam met a girl and was spending a lot of time with her. You all settled into your new lives easily. 

You cooked dinner and set the table. “Hey guys. Come eat!” You called out of the door.   
“Thank you for always having me, Y/N.”  
“Don’t mention it, Bucky. You know we love having you.”   
Steve kissed your cheek, “Looks good. Is Sam coming?”  
“No. He’s entertaining his new friend.” You smiled to yourself feeling very happy for him.   
“So have you picked a name for this kid yet?”   
“We have a few. Nothing either of us can agree on.”   
“Maybe I can help. Like a tie breaker. What’s on the list?”   
“Oh no. I know what you’re doing. I’m not naming our daughter Dorothy.” Bucky shot him a look.   
“Wasn’t that that red head’s name?” Steve choked on his food.   
“I like the name. I think it’s cute.”   
“What about Sarah after your mother?” You both smiled. “I love Sarah. What do you think?”   
“I think Sarah is it. Thanks, Buck.”   
“See? I said I could help. That’s what Uncle Bucky’s are for.” 

You spent the rest of the evening listening to the guys talk. Sarah was dancing away. Now that she’s much bigger you could clearly see her feet on the outside of your belly. Steve always had a hand on you so he could feel her. Bucky went home and the two of you got ready for bed. You had an appointment with the midwife in the morning. You were getting close to your due date.   
“Hey, kiddo. You coming to bed?”   
“Yeah. I have to pee again.” Steve chuckled.   
“Again? You’ve peed three times since we came in here.”   
“Yeah well. Your daughter uses my bladder as a punching bag.” you said from the bathroom. “Just like her papa” he said to himself. 

You slept in one of his undershirts and had decided that panties were overrated. Once you finally got in bed you adjusted all of your pillows. One went under your belly, another between your knees another at your back. You burrowed into your nest not giving Steve any way to snuggle you. “Good night” you said sleepily. Steve kisses you, “Good night, my girl. Is the light bothering you?” you were already snoring. He put his hand on your belly and continued reading. 

The next evening Sam came by to see if you wanted to go for a walk. “So tell me about your new friend.”   
“Zola? She’s pretty cool. She’s real spiritual. I like that. I like how confident all the women are here.”  
“It is nice to see. Are things getting serious?” you nudged him with your elbow.  
“Maybe.” he laughed “Maybe. I’m glad I’m here with you guys. I can’t wait to meet my niece. She had better like me more than Bucky.” You both laughed   
“The kids around here are fascinated by him. They call him White Wolf.”   
“Yeah well. I’m way more fun. He has the personality of a bag of wet rocks.”   
You started to slow down. “Well, I think I’ve distracted you enough.” You looked thoroughly confused “Turn around.” When you did you saw Steve standing there. In the trees he strung up strands of fairy lights and had candles lit everywhere. 

“What is all of this?” you asked. He took you by the hand and lead you into the light. He dropped down on one knee.   
“Y/N, before I met you, I was so lost. Constantly searching for something and I didn’t even know what that something was. It was you. I wanted you before I even knew you existed. When I finally found you...you felt like home. If you marry me, I promise I will love you for the rest of my existence. Will you be my wife?”   
He slipped the most delicate ring on your finger and looked at you expectantly.  
“Yes.” He stood up and kissed you deeply. He wiped the tears from under your eyes. 

The next day you couldn’t wait to tell everyone. Ramonda and Shuri were beside themselves. They insisted on throwing you a party. Steve talked them down to a quiet get together. You got as dressed up as you could and headed to the party. You introduced Steve Sam and Bucky to your friends. Things started to wind down and poor Bucky looked exhausted. He sat talking with Shuri. He trusted her implicitly. You went over to check on them. “Doing ok, Buck?”   
“Yeah. I’m not used to being around so many people. Shuri was helping me out a little.”   
“Why don’t you call it a night? You look worn out.”   
“Yeah I think I will.” He said his goodbyes and went to find Steve. You sat down with Shuri and Ramonda. Your feet were swollen and you were ready to pack it in too.   
“Well, Mhibu, you found a good one.” Ramonda said.   
“I did. Thank you for tonight. You are both so good to me.”   
“You’re welcome. Steve and T’Challa seem to be getting along really well. He wants you all to stay.”   
“We don’t have anywhere else to be. Sam even met a girl.”   
“Zola! He’s all she talks about.” Shuri chimed in.   
You sat there listening to their chatter feeling completely content. You excused yourself to find Steve after a few minutes. You made it about half way across the room before your water broke. No one was around. Contractions started coming. You grabbed onto a nearby table. 

Out of the corner of his eye Bucky saw you. He had nearly made it out the door to head back home.   
“Hey. Are you ok?”   
“My water broke.”   
“Shit. Umm ok. I’m going to find Steve.” “Don’t leave me!”   
“Ok. Fuck me! What do I do?!” He was panicked. You started to have another contraction and you grabbed his hand.  
“Ow! Here. Grab the metal one. I’m just going to pick you up ok?”  
“My dress is wet.”   
“It’s ok. I’ve been covered in worse. Come on.” He carried you back inside. Shuri saw you and said “What’s happened?”   
“Her water broke. Where do I take her?”   
“This way.” Your midwife was at the party. Shuri called her over.   
“Come quickly. Y/N how far apart are your contractions?”   
“I don’t know. Where’s Steve?”   
“I’ll go find him!” Shuri shouted.   
“About three minutes apart” Bucky said “She crushes my hand every three minutes.” He got you to the birthing room.   
“Help her take off her dress and get her into the tub. I need to check her.”   
“Shouldn’t we wait for Steve?”  
“Sergeant Barnes she needs help now. I’m sure Captain Rogers will be along any second.”   
“Ok. Is there anything I should cover her up with?”   
“No, Bucky. Just unzip me.” You were trying to do your breathing exercises. He unzipped your dress and pulled it over your head trying to avert his eyes at all costs. A nurse came over and they both helped you into the tub. When the midwife stuck her hand inside of you Bucky felt faint. Finally Steve came barreling into the room. Shuri was right behind him.   
“I’m so sorry, baby. I was outside talking with a few people. I’m here. Are you ok?”  
“Yep. I’m good thanks to Bucky.”   
“Don’t mention it. I’m gonna wait outside.” 

“I need to push” the midwife checked you again “You are 10cm. You are ready.”   
You pushed. You pushed with all of the force and strength you could summon. Steve held your hands and whispered encouraging things to you. You used him for leverage and dug deep to push again.   
“Ok, Y/N stop and you’ll go again at the count of ten. Reach down and you’ll hold your daughter.” You put your hands between your legs and felt her head. “Now push!” On your last push she was out. You picked her up out and put her on your chest. The midwife rubbed Sarah with towels until she let out the most glorious cry. Steve held you both the best he could. Your head lolled back onto his shoulder. “She’s perfect. Y/N. Hey! Something’s wrong!” The nurse cut the umbilical cord and took Sarah from your arms. “Captain Rogers you’ll need to take your daughter. She’s losing a lot of blood.”   
“What’s happening?” There was a lot of rushing around but no one was telling him anything. Someone gave Steve a fresh blanket to keep Sarah warm. He clutched her to his chest and watched as they pulled you from the tub and onto a table. Everyone got to work.   
“We have to stop that bleeding....”  
“Hang a bag...”  
He was only hearing fragments of conversations. His whole life was slipping away from him. Shuri was with you helping as much as she could. 

A nurse finally came out to put a diaper and a gown on Sarah. She fitted her with a hat and swaddled her. She was also given her first Kimoyo bead. “Please can you tell me if my fiancé is ok.”   
“I don’t know, Captain. I’m here for the baby. I’ll go find out.” Steve sat in a rocking chair holding his daughter. He didn’t know what to do with her. Was she hungry? He didn’t have a bottle. He wished you would just wake up and tell him what to do. Sam Bucky T’Challa and Ramonda came in to extend their congratulations. Steve was slowly rocking and sobbing.   
“Hey congrats, dad!” Sam said.   
“Steve, where’s Y/N?” Bucky asked   
“She was losing a lot of blood. They took her back there. I don’t know what’s happening.” Ramonda knelt down in front of him. She smiled at Sarah who looked perfectly content in her father’s arms. “Steve. She is going to be ok. She’s a lot stronger than you think. Her body has been through a lot. She can handle this. May I hold Sarah?”  
“Yeah. Of course.” As soon as Ramonda took Sarah Steve broke down. Bucky was at his side and Sam went to the door with T’Challa to see if they could get answers. Shuri finally came out. She walked passed the two men right to Steve.   
“She’s asking for you, Captain.” He hurried to the door. “Uh, dad. You forgetting someone?” Sam called after him. He took Sarah and went back into the room. 

There was so much blood on the floor. The medical staff was covered in it. He stood frozen in the doorway. The midwife came over. “Her uterus was hemorrhaging. We could not stop the bleeding so we had to remove it. This is not uncommon. She is resting. She will have to stay for a few days but should be ok.”   
“Can I see her?”  
“Of course.”   
Sarah started to fuss. She wanted her mama. “Hey, my girl. I’m here.”   
“Where’s my baby?” He unwrapped her and placed her on your chest. You held her and cried. Tears of sadness? Of joy? Both? Steve stroked your hair. “I thought I was going to lose you.”   
“I always come back to you, Captain.” He kissed your forehead. “She’s beautiful. Just like her mommy.”   
“Yeah. She’s pretty perfect. I can’t have anymore children.”   
“We just had this one, kid. Let’s worry about her before we worry about another one deal?”   
“Deal. We didn’t pick a middle name. It has to go on the birth record.”   
“Whatever you pick is fine.”   
“It should be Margaret.” He planted a chaste kiss on your lips.  
“Perfect.” 

It took a few days to recover but soon you were up and around. Sarah was an easy baby. Cried only when she needed something. Every sound she made though Steve was rushing to her. He was cute when he was nervous. It annoyed him how nonchalant you were about Sarah’s discomfort. 

When she was six months old the pediatrician said you could drop night feedings and let her sleep in her crib. As much as you assured him she would be ok, Steve stayed in the rocking chair in the nursery. Sarah slept through the night. Finally, so did you. 

Sarah was not an exceptional child. (Though Steve would say otherwise) She said “dada” at eight months “mama” at nine. She walked at eleven months. It drove Steve crazy trying to baby proof everything. Every corner was soft. Every cabinet locked. Even Bucky and Sam followed behind her like she was going to break. 

Sarah took after you in so many ways. She was headstrong and tough. She also ruled her daddy’s life. 

You cherished the moments you had alone with her. She loved to color and read books with you. She loved Ramonda and Shuri. They doted on her. Sarah was spoiled rotten with love. 

Soon after Sarah’s first birthday, you and Steve finally decided to get married. You didn’t want much. Just a few friends. You were even able to get Nat and Wanda to come in for the occasion. 

You met them at the boarder with T’Challa and Okoye. They met you with big hugs and smiling faces. That was not how you left them. You were glad to see it now.   
“Steve. You look good.”   
“Nat! Hey. So do you. I’m so glad you’re here.”   
“Who is this little angel?” Wanda asked.   
Sarah was in a sling on your hip. You leaned in to hug Nat and then Wanda.   
“Ladies meet Sarah Margaret Rogers. Sarah these are your aunties Nat and Wanda.” She held her arms out to Nat who took her without hesitation.   
“You two have been busy out here.”   
“To say the least. Come. Let us show you around.” 

You took them in to meet some of the family. Nat and Okoye were like kindred spirits. You went back to your house. Sam and Zola were waiting. Bucky hung back a little. You cooked dinner and set a big table outside. Sam and Zola made something too. Shuri Ramonda T’Challa and Nakia brought wine. Bucky finally joined. He made dessert.   
“Aren’t you the sweetest? Thank you, Bucky.”   
“Sergeant Barnes has been practicing his culinary skills all week, Mhibu. You should be proud.” Ramonda explained. Bucky sat next to Steve. As soon as Sarah saw him she ran to get in his lap. His was the only other name she could somewhat say. Besides you and Steve he was her favorite person. Sam tried to dethrone him but was unsuccessful. She took food off his plate while he was eating. He always knew to make extra. “Oh miss Sarah. Did you ask Bucky for a bite?” She smiled and giggled.   
“It’s ok, y/n. She knows I’ll share.”   
“Do you want to come by Sam? I have food too.” She vigorously shook her head no. Zola laughed, “Sam you try too hard.” “I want to be the favorite. I’m more fun. Come on Sarah. I have a cookie.” When he held out his arms she turned away and hid her face in Bucky’s chest.   
“Don’t take it personally, Sam. She does that to anyone who tries to take her from Bucky including me.” Steve said trying to comfort him.   
“It’s ok. One day you’ll love me more than him.”   
“Doubtful.”   
“Man, shut up. You must pay her or something.” Zola patted his arm.   
“Sarah how does it feel to have two men fight over you?” Nat teased.   
“They’ve been doing it since she was born. They’re ridiculous.” You got up to take her. She protested trying to grab onto Bucky but relented when you said it was bath time. Bath was her very favorite thing. “Can you blow kisses?” A chorus of voices awwwed and said, “Goodnight, Sarah.”   
“Can I give you a hand?” Wanda asked.   
“If you want. You’ll probably just get splashed.”   
“I don’t mind.”   
“Well then of course you can help.” You got the tub ready while Wanda entertained Sarah. She used her magic to make her toys dance in the air. Sarah laughed and clapped her hands. You got her undressed and into the tub. After you washed her you let her play for a minute.   
“Have you been able to see Vision?”   
“We see each other a few times a month. Just as long as I keep in touch with Natasha and he with Tony we’re good.”  
“Good. I’m glad the two of you found each other.”   
“He’s such a sweet soul. I’m happy to be here for you and Steve. I’m so happy to meet this little one.” She lifted Sarah out of the tub and you wrapped her in a towel.   
“Our lives right now aren’t terrible. I just wish Steve and Tony could repair their relationship.”   
You sighed, “I won’t say never but, after all that happened, it will be hard to get them there.”   
“We can always try.”   
“One day.” Wanda went back to join everyone while you put Sarah to bed. Steve came in to kiss her goodnight.   
“Are you in your jammies, my sweet baby?”   
“She is daddy. Give dad a smooch.” She lays a big open mouth kiss on Steve’s cheek. “Thank you, baby. Have sweet dreams. I love you.” He kisses her one more time and the two of you left the room. As always he waited by the door until he didn’t hear her anymore. “Steve, we literally have video monitors. You don’t need to hover.”   
“I know. I can’t help it.” You wrapped your arms around his waist.   
“It’s nice to have the girls here. I wish everyone could have made it.”   
“Me too. I’ll call him eventually.”   
“No you won’t. Neither of you will. You’re both so stubborn.”  
“Hey. We’re getting married tomorrow.”  
“Way to change the subject.”   
“I want to focus on happy things. I’ve been so happy here with you. Our little family. Our friends. I want to stay this way forever.”   
“Don’t jinx us.” 

Everyone went back to get some rest. You picked the most beautiful spot to have your ceremony. It was near the river. Near Nakia’s home. Nat and Wanda helped you get ready. Shuri looked after Sarah.   
“You look beautiful.” Wanda said as she smoothed your hair.   
“Who is giving you away?” Nat asked   
“Sam is. He’s the closest thing I have to my original family. I felt it was only right.”   
“I’ll bet he was thrilled when you asked him.”  
You smiled to yourself, “He was. These two have been so great this whole time. They really brought Steve back from that whole Tony thing. Oh hey how’s Rhodey?”   
“He’s doing really well. You know Sam called to check on him?”   
“I’m not surprised. He was really broken up about it.”   
“I think you are ready to meet your husband.” Wanda said as she zipped your dress. Shuri came in with Sarah “Is it time to put on her dress? She ate. I just changed her.”   
“Yeah. I think we’ve eliminated all potential messes.” 

T’Challa lead the ceremony. Bucky stood next to Steve. Nakia and Shuri stood for you. Sarah happily slept in Ramonda’s arms. She would take her back for a sleepover that evening so you and Steve could have some time to celebrate on your own. 

When you saw Steve he looked proud. He was proud. He felt like he accomplished more in the last nearly two years than he had his whole life. He felt at peace. You made your vows to one another promising, above all else, to always come back to each other. The same promise you make every time one of you leaves on a mission. When you kissed everyone cheered. That woke Sarah but she was able to fall right back to sleep. 

You partied into the night. Ramonda took Sarah back with her right before her bed time. She fussed a little but left with less protest and a big yawn. Steve all but carried you over his shoulder when it was time for the two of you to go back.

“Wife I have wanted to tear this dress off of you all night.”   
“Tear away, Captain.”   
“You look so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re my wife.”   
“Right back at you” He trailed kisses down the back of your neck and then down your spine as he unzipped instead of tearing. “Mmm. No panties?”   
“Nope.”   
“You are perfect Mrs. Rogers.”   
“Ok. I’m not calling you Mr. Rogers though”  
“Why? I like it.”   
“Mr. Rogers was a beloved children’s television guy. You know what? It doesn’t matter right now.” He bent you over the bed, spread your legs and licked your whole snatch from top to bottom. He slipped in two fingers and continued his oral assault. He was like a man possessed. His touch was desperate. You moaned and tried not to move your hips especially when he pressed his tongue onto your clit. You couldn’t help it. You closed your eyes and threw your head back moaning loudly. “Cum for me. If you want my cock cum for me. I’m so hard. I can’t wait to fuck you.” That’s all you needed to hear to tip you over the edge. When you were shaking and barely able to hold your self up he slammed his hips into yours burying his cock deep inside of you. You both held still for a second savoring the sensation when Steve bent down and whispered “Who does this pussy belong to?”   
“You, Captain. Only you.” You loved it when he dominated you. It wasn’t often but he really could get into it.   
“Say it again, wife. Who owns this pussy?”   
“You do, Captain.”   
“That’s right. I’m going to fuck you so hard that you will remember for weeks.” And he did. He slammed into you over and over again. Every time his pelvic bone got your clit it felt like lightning going through your body. You came bathing his cock in your juices, his name a whisper. After hearing you say hi name he couldn’t hold back anymore. He came with a groan and collapsed. You were both satisfied and thoroughly well fucked. You slept clutching each other. 

The next day you saw Nat and Wanda off and then ran up to get Sarah. You spent the next few months living your lives without a care when Nat called. 

She couldn’t get in touch with Wanda. Tony was missing. Something big went down in New York.   
“Don’t go.” you pleaded   
“I have to.”   
“No you don’t. Steve. No you don’t. It’s ok to let someone else handle this. Please don’t leave us.”   
“I’m just going to help them out. I’m taking Sam with me. Bucky will be here with you. You have nothing to worry about.”   
“Are you kidding me?! We are happy, Steve. Let someone else handle it”   
“You know I can’t do that.”   
You were so angry. You pushed him and hit his chest. “Fuck you, Steve. You don’t have to be Captain fucking America anymore. You just stay here. Don’t leave us. Please.” He stood still while you hit and pushed him. He could feel the anger and fear radiating off of you. He wrapped you in his arms. You fought against him but he kept holding you. “Don’t you leave us. Please. Don’t leave us.”   
“Y/N I’m coming back. I promise. I always keep that promise.”   
“I can’t go through this anymore, Steve. I can’t.”  
“I love you both so much.”   
“No! Don’t you say you love me. You can’t possibly love me if you’re walking out of here.”   
“You know that’s not true. Please let me kiss our baby then I have to go.” She was with Bucky. “I got them. You do what you have to do. We’ll see you soon.”  
“Thanks, Buck. Sarah. Come see Daddy. I love you, my sweet baby. Be good for Mommy and Bucky ok?” He hugged her tight. She planted an open mouth slobbery kiss on his cheek. He handed her over to you. “Please don’t be angry with me. Nat wouldn’t have called if this wasn’t so important. I love you. Look at me.” He gently took your chin in his hand to look up at him. Tears were streaming down your face.   
“Please tell me you love me. Baby please.”   
You were pouting like a brat you knew but you didn’t care. “You know I love you.”  
“Then say it like you really mean it. I need you to.”   
“I love you. You had better come back to us, Steve.”   
“Yes, ma’am.” He kissed you deeply then wrapped you both in a hug. “I love you both so much. I’ll be back soon.” He got on the jet and you watched them take off. Bucky stood behind you. “Are you ok?”   
“No. We’ve talked about this so many times. He promised he was done.”   
“This has to be something big for him to go back on his word. World ending big. You know that.”   
“I know. But why does it always have to be him?” You sat down on your porch. You let Sarah play in the grass. Bucky sat next to you and patted your back.   
“Not because he’s Captain America. Even before the serum he was like this. He has a need to protect. It’s why he went in the ice all those years ago. He’ll sacrifice himself for the greater good.”   
“But now it’s not just him.” 

You spent the next few days trying to go through your normal routine. You talked to Steve but he didn’t tell you really what was going on. One afternoon he called Bucky and told him to put you and Sarah somewhere safe. In the palace where the guards were. “Do it now, Buck.”   
“Steve I hear you but when doesn’t she have questions, man?”   
“I’ll call her. Please. We’re almost there. I.’ll see her before everything.”   
“Fine. But if she shoots me I’m gonna be pissed at you.”  
“She probably won’t shoot you. I hope she doesn’t. Maybe go in and get her gun before you tell her the bad thing is coming.”   
“Great. I’m gonna get shot.”   
“Good luck.” He hung up. Bucky knocked shaking his head. “Y/N, hey. I’m coming in.”   
“Shhh. I just put her down. What’s up?”   
“Don’t get mad. Steve just called. I need to take you two to the palace. Like now. I’ll help you pack her bag. We have to go.”  
“Why? What’s happening?”  
“Something bad. He said to go now. They’ll be here soon.”  
“Who is they?”  
“I don’t know. He didn’t give me details. He just said to get you there. Please don’t fight me on this.” Bucky was never this forceful. You packed Sarah’s bag and got her up. She was cranky but quieted down when you got in the vehicle. Ramonda was waiting for you. She had a sort of panic room built in in the event of a major incident. Shuri came in “They’ll be here soon. Ready to go, White Wolf?”   
“I guess.” She gave Bucky his new arm. It was made of vibranium. It looked cool. He waved to you and blew a kiss to Sarah. You were antsy. You needed to see Steve. After a few moments he came in to walk you down to the room with Ramonda.   
“Hey. Let’s go. I have to get down to the border.”   
“What is happening?”   
“Short answer? Infinity stones. Thanos has most of them. He’s about to snap 50% of the planet out of existence. Please. I have no time to argue. I have to kiss you both and get out there. There’s going to be a fight. A big one. I will come back. You know I will. I love you so much. Get in there.” He didn’t give you a chance to argue. He kissed you then Sarah. “I love you, Steve. Sarah, kiss daddy.” His heart sank. He didn’t want to leave you two. You went in the room and Ramonda locked the door. Steve knew how to get back in when it was all over. 

Ramonda tried to get you to sit down but you couldn’t. Part of you wanted to be outside helping. You heard explosions. Every time you heard something your heart sank. Sarah played on the floor occasionally taking a bite of her cookie. Next heard a huge explosion. You grabbed Sarah and held her. You wished there was a window. Then there was...silence. You sat down on the floor holding Sarah. You looked down at her. She started to fuss a little. And, just like that she disappeared. On a breath of air she was gone. Ramonda was gone too. You couldn’t breath. 

Steve watched his friends disintegrate in front of him. He had only one thought left and that was to get to you and Sarah. He and Nat grabbed Okoye and got on one of the utility vehicles. He drove as fast as the thing would carry him. He ran up the steps toward the room. The sound he heard coming from the other side of the door was inhuman. It was the sound of total anguish. Steve was ready to fight whatever was in there hurting you. When the door opened you were on your knees, your arms still holding a phantom child. “SARAH?!” “She’s gone. Steve she’s gone. She just...I was holding her and she’s gone.”   
“No! NO!”   
“My baby!”   
Steve pulled you close to him and sobbed on your shoulder. You wouldn’t stop screaming. “I’m going to fix this. I’m going to get her back.” Was all he could say. You held each other on the floor for what felt like an eternity. You screamed until you didn’t have a voice left. You screamed until your body collapsed out of exhaustion.


	5. Chapter 5: The snap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place immediately after the snap but before the movie jumps 5 years. Once again: TRIGGER WARNING if you have ever experienced the loss of a child.

Chapter 5

Life was happening in a series of flashes. People kept checking on you. People walked by crying. Everyone was in shock. No one knew what to do. Nat was trying to to talk to the remaining council but they were asking for you and Steve to go immediately. They didn’t want any outsiders in Wakanda while they were trying to rebuild. 

“Steve. I’m sorry. We have to pack up. Okoye says they’ll pack up the big stuff and send it to the compound. But if you want to pack up any pictures and clothes and personal items we have to go now.”   
“Ok. Y/N we have to go pack. Can you stand?” You just stared at them.   
“Mhibu” Okoye knelt in front of you and took your hands “Mhibu. Look at me. I am so sorry but we need to move now.” You nodded your head and stood up. Steve took you inside and you packed your bags. You went into Sarah’s room and tried to pack her a bag. Nat tried to get you to focus on your own things but you couldn’t. “Sweetie, can I pack for Sarah?” You handed her the little night gown you were holding. She set it down and lead you into your bedroom. Steve was trying to get any paperwork, pictures. He was quiet. Once you were finished Nat got you all to the Quinjet. Bruce took your bags and spoke gently to you, “Y/N. I’m Bruce. I’m going to give you something to help you sleep. Is that ok?”   
“Ok” He sat you down and pushed up the sleeve to your sweater. “Just a little pinch ok?” You didn’t even move. Steve sat next to you and held your hand. You put your head on his shoulder and started to drift off. 

When you woke up you were alone in your bed in your house in the States. It was like you dreamt the passed two years. Your head ached and your mouth was dry. You got up to get some water. Steve was no where to be found. There was a little bag next to yours. You smelled it. It smelled like her. You couldn’t get enough of it.   
“Steve?” no answer. You absentmindedly wondered if you were hallucinating the bag. You heard the front door. “Steve?”   
“Yeah. Hey. It’s me. I went for a run. How are you feeling?”  
“Empty” It was an honest answer.   
“Can I make you some breakfast? When was the last time you ate?”   
“Why are you acting like she isn’t gone?” you whispered. He just kept talking.   
“WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE SHE ISN’T GONE?” you screamed into nothing. You couldn’t look at his face. You couldn’t believe he was being so calm. Why wasn’t he in the depths of despair like you?   
“Because she’s not dead. None of them are. We can get them back. We’re already working on it. Why don’t you come back to the compound with me? It’ll do you some good. We’re going to find Thanos and we’re going to make this right.”   
“You’re so sure? How? How do you know?”  
“Because I have to hold on to something, Y/N. If I don’t then how am I going to be strong for you?”   
“I don’t need you to be strong. For five minutes I just need you to sit with me and feel what I’m feeling because our baby is gone.”   
“I can’t damn it! I don’t have the luxury of falling apart.”   
“The luxury?! Do you think I’m enjoying this?”   
“Of course not! What I mean is...this is my job, kid. I have to hold it together for everyone. I don’t get to fall apart.”   
“Steve, look at me. Our daughter is gone. I need you. I need you just to be Sarah’s daddy for a minute and not Captain America. Can you do that?”   
“If I stand still for too long, Y/N, I feel like my heart is going to stop. I need to do something.” 

You got up from the table and got back in bed. When you shut the door you heard glass breaking and Steve cursing then you heard his heavy footsteps and the front door slamming. You wanted to go after him but you didn’t have the strength to move. 

You don’t know how long he was gone when he finally came back to your bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed facing away from you. He got undressed got under the covers and held you. He fell apart then so did you. 

The two of you slept for nearly 24 hours. Nat tried calling you so many times she got worried and went to the house. She knocked on the door. No answer. She went to kick it in but Steve finally answered. “Hey. I’ve been calling.”   
“The phones are off. We needed some time.”   
“Where’s Y/N?”   
“Bed.”   
“Has she gotten out of bed since you got home?”   
“Briefly. What’s up, Nat?”  
“I’m just checking in. Can I see her?”  
“You can try. She barely speaks. She barely does anything. She’s suffocating herself in her own grief.”   
“You can’t blame her.”   
“I don’t. Of course I don’t. I’m afraid to leave her when we inevitably go get Thanos. I don’t know what she might do.”  
“Has she threatened...”  
“No. Not at all. She’s just so...I don’t know.”  
“Aren’t you?”   
“How can you ask me if I’m mourning my daughter? I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, Natasha. I can’t fucking breathe.” He started to spin out.   
“Hey hey hey, Steve. Look at me. It’s so heavy in this house. Let’s get some air.” She pushes him out onto the deck. It’s cold out. Each deep breath feels sharp.   
“I’m going to see if she’ll get out of bed. Wait here. Breathe.” 

“Y/N? It’s Nat. Can I come in?” You don’t answer. She lets herself in. She takes off her shoes and crawls into bed with you. Her hands are cold.   
“Is Steve ok?”   
“You heard that huh?”  
“I’ve pulled him down too far with me.“  
“He was already there. He’s just had a lot of practice hiding his grief.”  
“You should take him back to the compound with you.”  
“You know he won’t leave. Not without his best girl.”   
“Peggy was his best girl. That’s not me.”  
“No. You are his wife. The mother of his daughter. The woman who makes him turn into a puddle of goo when she walks in the room. You are everything to him.”  
“He wouldn’t have stayed in Wakanda if I wasn’t pregnant.” She sat up so she could look in your eyes.   
“Ma’am. Are you questioning his love? I hope you know that man out there loves you more than I’ve ever seen anyone love anything. Please get out of bed. Get dressed and let’s get out of this house.”  
“I’ll be fine here. I need space.”   
“Ok.” She hugged you once more and went back to Steve. He lit the fire pit and was staring into it. 

“What did she say?”   
“She said that you probably wouldn’t have stayed in Wakanda if she wasn’t pregnant.”   
“Honestly. She’s probably right. I would have been with you and Sam evading the law. Not because I didn’t love her. At the time what we were doing was more important than her. She knew that. Same went for her. Neither of us wanted to stop working. Sarah forced us to slow down. We stopped worrying about everyone else.”   
“Nothing wrong with that.”   
“No. But now, in order to get my baby back, I have to save everyone. You know, when you called that day, she begged me not to leave. That I didn’t always have to be Captain America. She knew if I did I’d never stop if I walked out of our little bubble. I can’t help but wonder, if I didn’t help, would Sarah still be gone?”   
“Thanos still would have snapped.”   
“Maybe. I love my wife, Nat. I loved her before Sarah. I love her now. She told me that day if I loved her, I wouldn’t leave. I’ve brought nothing but chaos into her life from the moment we met. Maybe I’d be doing her a favor if I left.”   
“You two are so stubborn. Can’t you see what you need right now is each other? Fuck the both of you. I’m not fucking Dr. Phil. I’m going back. Fix your own marriage.” 

Steve sat on the deck thinking about what Nat just said. He thought about the entirety of your relationship. Without question he was stupidly, in love with you. He needed that connection back with you and you were so far inside of yourself that he felt like he couldn’t reach you anymore. He had to talk to you. He had to get you back. 

“Hey kid”  
“Hey.” You sat up on the bed and patted your lap telling him to lie down.   
“Can we talk?”  
“About?”  
“What we’re doing here.”  
“Are you leaving me?”  
“No. I need to go back to the compound. We have some stuff going on. I have to be there.”   
“Then go.”  
“I want you to come too. We can really use your help.”  
“How could I possibly help?” He pulled down your bottom lip revealing your tattoo.   
“You tell me, War Dog. You’re a trained soldier and trained elite law enforcement. You are a tracker. How could you possibly help?”   
You rubbed your hand over your chin where he pinched you. “Well I guess the first thing we need to do is look for any energy signatures that would match the stones. I can access the satellites over Wakanda and...What?” He was smiling.   
“Nothing. I love watching your brain work. Come back with me. Help me find our baby.” Slow tears started falling from your cheeks. “Don’t give me hope.”   
“That’s all we have. Please, Y/N.” You dropped your head onto his chest and cried. He repositioned himself so that he could hold you.   
“I told you I would fix this. I won’t give up until I do.”   
“You don’t have to always be so strong.”   
“Yes I do. See I got this serum and it makes me strong. All the time.” You giggled. “Wait I’m sorry. Did you just laugh?” You shook your head no, “You know, just because you’re not sad every second of every day it doesn’t mean you miss her any less. I miss her constantly. I’d give anything to have her playing in the blankie right now.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat.   
“I love you.”   
“Oh my girl. I love you too. So much.”

Once you were back at the compound you felt a little lighter. This was your first time meeting Pepper. She was worried for Tony. They still hadn’t made contact. This was also your first time meeting Thor. Even in the midst of anguish, Thor was still a flirt.  
“Rogers, you didn’t tell me your wife was so beautiful. You would look radiant in Asgardian silks, my lady.” You blushed. Steve pulled you away, “Thor. No.”  
“What? It was a compliment!” You also met a very surly raccoon named Rocket. 

Steve sat you down in a chair so you could listen to the conversation.   
“Listen up. Y/N is here to help. We can use all the help we can get at this point. She has a special set of skills...” you Rhodey and Nat laughed.   
“What? Why is that funny?”   
“Your doing great, hon. I’ll explain later.”   
“It’s from a movie, Cap. You’ll have to add Liam Neeson to your list.” Rhodey chimed in. He got sad thinking Liam Neeson might have gotten snapped.   
“Ok. Anyway. Let’s figure out what we know.” You all talked for a while and then broke off and went to bed. 

You and Steve hopped in the shower. You scrubbed his back. He washed your hair. He looked like he was far away. “What are you thinking?” “Nothing. Just about all we have to do. It’s exhausting.”   
“Then let’s go to bed.”  
“You go on. I’m gonna get rid if this beard.” You didn’t ask why but you knew it was because it reminded him of Sarah tugging on it. 

As you were starting to drift off you heard a commotion. Tony was back. You mostly sat back while every thing was happening. He got in Steve’s face a little. The man was shattered. They all were. Steve didn’t fight back. 

None of you were able to sleep. The woman who brought Tony and Nebula back was arrogant as hell. You liked her. Steve and Nat were a little freaked out by her. The fact that she wanted to work alone didn’t bother you. That’s how you liked working. 

You helped them find the right coordinates to Thanos. They formed a solid plan. You were ready to go. “Absolutely not.” Steve barked.   
“Why not?”  
“Because it’s dangerous.”  
“I’ve done dangerous shit before. You treat me like I’m physically incapable of doing anything constructive. Let me go with you.”  
“No. If this works you have to stay here for Sarah.”   
“Hey. You about ready?” Nat asked leading around the corner of the door way.   
“Yeah. Be down in 5. Just drop it, kid. You’re not coming.”   
“This is bullshit, Steve!”  
“What’s happening?”  
“He won’t let me go with you.”  
“Oh yeah you’re not coming.” Steve shot you a look. “See?”   
“So what am I supposed to do? Sit here and worry?”   
“Yes. I’m sorry but yes. Please don’t make this harder.” He kissed you but you pushed him away. “Tell me you love me.”   
“I love you” You said rolling your eyes.   
“I love you, Y/N. I know how strong you are. I need you to be strong here. Can you do that for me?”   
“Not like I have a choice.”   
“That’s my girl.”   
“You had better come back to me, Captain.” He smiled, “Yes, ma’am.”

They were off. You waited. You paced the room. You checked your phone a million times. If it worked you thought Bucky and Sam would run to Sarah. Ramonda would be with her. They’d get her home safe. You didn’t hear anything. Still the same silence. 

It was days before they got back. You were asleep. Pepper and Tony left a day or so ago. With no word from the team, Pepper thought it best for Tony to be away if the news wasn’t good. He had a lot of recovery to do. You heard them coming in. You grabbed a sweatshirt and ran to open the door. Steve was in the doorway looking dejected. “He didn’t have them.”   
“What?”  
“The stones are gone. That’s it.”   
“There has to be another way.”   
“It’s over.” He dropped to his knees and hugged you around your waist pressing his face into your stomach. “I’m so sorry. You raked your fingers through his hair staring off into space. Your baby was gone. Really gone. You comforted your husband as much as you could. Rage bubbled up in your belly. You’d go home tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

If there were stages of grief you were in the Anger phase. You were angry that your daughter was gone. Angry that every life that was taken probably could have been prevented. Angry that the Avengers existed. Angry that you met Steve in the first place. 

How dare him?! You thought. He just busted into your life and expected you to just fall in line with him. You were packing and at this point you were scowling and slamming things around. He stood in the doorway watching you. You threw some socks toward your bag and nearly hit him. He ducked out of the way. 

“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t see you.” 

“It’s ok. What are you doing?”

“Getting my stuff and going home. What’s left to do here?” 

“Nothing I guess. I shouldn’t be too much longer.” 

“Ok. I mean I’m in no rush.”

“You kind of look like you are.” 

“I just want to get home. I have to check in with Nakia.”

“You can do that here.” 

“Steve” you closed your eyes and rubbed your forehead “I just want to go home.” 

“Got it.” His back was rigid and he clenched his jaw. You couldn’t bring yourself to care that he was irritated. 

You said your goodbyes to everyone. He grabbed your bags and headed to the truck. He wasn’t sure if you were fighting or not but he could feel that you needed space. You were silent for nearly the whole ride back home. He played music he knew you liked. You didn’t perk up. He rubbed your arm. You didn’t recoil from histouch but you didn’t lean into it either. You had a lot on your mind but nothing you cared to share. You just looked out of the window. 

Once you got home you threw your bag in the back and went to the kitchen. 

“You hungry?”

“Yeah. What do we even have?”

“I don’t know. I’ll make something.”

“Can I help?” he held your hands and kissed your fingers. You lingered for a bit then pulled away. 

“No. I got it.” Usually when you made dinner he would hang out in the kitchen. Occasionally you would hand him something to chop. You could tell he was yearning to be near you. You figured you’d throw him a bone. 

“Hey. Can you grab that big red pot for me? It’s heavy.” He jumped up. 

“Yeah. I got it.” 

“Do you want a beer? I’m going to have a glass of wine.” 

“I’m good. Let me help. I’ll chop.” You grabbed him a cutting board and knife. You rummaged around the vegetable drawer for some carrots. When you dropped them on the cutting board he chuckled to himself, “peas and cawits” he said it like Sarah. Your blood went cold. You didn’t say anything. “Do you remember how tiny Sarah was when she was born? Bucky was afraid to touch her. That changed fast.” 

“Yep.” 

“Oh! And when she laughed for the first time at that ridiculous face Sam made.” 

“Uh huh” 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Talk about her if you want.”

“No. If it upsets you.” 

“Clearly you need to so go ahead.” He slammed down the knife and grabbed your shoulders. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Nothing! Jesus Christ! Nothing! Cook your own dinner. I’m going to bed.” You broke away from him and headed for the bedroom. He got in front of you and put his hands on your chest. 

“Stop! Stop. We can’t go on like this. If you have something to say you need to say it. I’m a big boy. I can take it.” 

“I’m not doing this.” 

“We’re not going to survive this if you keep shutting me out.” 

“Shutting you out? That’s funny coming from you. Wasn’t it you who said you probably wouldn’t even be with me had I not gotten pregnant? I’m sorry I ever told you.”

“When?” 

“I heard you. The day Natasha came over. You said maybe you should leave me. I’m not keeping you here, Steve. There’s the door.” That wounded him. He looked at the floor and folded his arms. 

“I didn’t mean it. You keep shutting me out. You’re not talking.“ 

“Well I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this.” You wiped tears away from your eyes with your sleeve. He nudged your foot with the toe of his shoe. He was crying too. 

“I don’t know how to do this either. You would think with all my experience in losing people I love this would be old hat by now. I haven’t had to share my grief with anyone. I want to talk about our daughter. I feel like if we don’t we’ll forget her.” 

You scoffed, “That’s silly.” 

“I know. Rationally I know that. My irrational brain keeps telling me that I haven’t thought about her enough in the last twenty seconds and I feel guilty.” 

He came closer to you and held out his hands. You put your palms against his and he pulled you into his chest. 

“Every time things get hard for us you’re so quick to walk out of the door. I didn’t let you give up on us in Vienna. I’m not letting you give up on us now. Y/N, I love you. Tell me you love me.” 

“I love...” Before you could finish he covered your mouth in a kiss. It was desperate and wanting. 

He pushed you back against the island and ran his hand down to your hips. You could feel his arousal growing. You started to strip. “Are you sure?” You turned around and arched your back so he could see all of you. “Please...I need it.” He growled deep in his throat and stripped too. He pushed two fingers in your snatch. You gasped and pushed back against him. “You’re always so ready for me, baby. Spread. “ He nudged your legs open a little wider so he could enter you. One hand snaked around your neck the other on his cock. He stroked its length and rubbed the tip on your slit. Without warning he was inside of you. He squeezed your throat fucking you at a back breaking pace. Every thrust felt like a jolt through your body. He pulled your hair hard wrenching your head back to look at him. You choked out a moan and clenched around him. The sound he made when he came was nearly primal. He kissed you again but this one was angry. All teeth and hard lips. You squirmed away from him so you could turn around. You pressed your whole body against his. You hugged each other as tight as you could. You could barely draw in a breath. “I love you” you said against his chest “I love you. Always.” 

“I love you too.” 

You never got to dinner that night. You laid on your sleeping husband’s chest running your fingers through his chest hair. You listened to his heart beating trying to commit it to memory. When you were sure you wouldn’t wake him you crept out of the room, grabbed your bag and left out of the back. You walked about a mile up the road where Nakia was waiting. 

Steve opened one eye and felt around the bed for you. Your side was cold. You weren’t in the bathroom. He pulled on some sweats and went to the kitchen. He smelled coffee. He forgot he set it the night before. “Baby?” You weren’t there. He checked your office, the deck. Nothing. He called your phone. It went right to voicemail. “Where is she?” He went outside up to the start of the hiking trail, “Y/N!” You didn’t call back. He was worried. Your car was still in the garage. Keys hanging on the peg by the door. Your purse was on the kitchen table. He went to grab his phone to call Nat. Maybe she had heard from you. Under his phone was a letter. His mouth went dry and his hands began to shake. He read it, his back slid down the wall. He grabbed his heart and wailed like a lost child. 

_Dear Steve,_

_ I know you asked me not to give up on us. I’m sorry but I can’t make that promise to you right now. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sarah’s staring back at me and my heart shatters all over again. Please believe me when I say I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. This is not goodbye. I will come back to you, Captain. The house is yours when you need it. See you soon.  _

_ <3,  _

_ Y/F/I _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

YOU

Once you got on the plane with Nakia anxiety over your choice took you over. You started to sweat and your breathing was erratic. Nakia held your hand. 

“It’s not too late to call him.” 

You took a deep breath and blew out hard, “No. I’m making the right decision. It’ll do me some good to get back to work.” 

“Ok. Let’s go over the brief and focus up. We won’t have time once we land.” 

You went over the plan. More of you would be on the ground ready to roll once you land. You were breaking up a weapons smuggling ring. This one was in South America. You were approaching your rendezvous point and you started feeling those familiar butterflies. 

“Ready?!” Nakia shouted

“Yep!” You met with the rest of your team, loaded your weapons and went in literally guns blazing. The plan was a simple sweep and clear. No survivors. Torch the evidence. This is the first time you were happy that bad guys existed. 

STEVE

For the first time in his life Steve Rogers felt like giving up. He wished you had been able to talk to him. If all you needed was to throw yourself into work he would have understood. He thought of calling Nat but she would want to find you. He wanted to find you too but he was trying to give you space. He was trying to be a good husband. 

He replayed every moment back in his mind looking for signs you were leaving. They were everywhere. You distanced yourself from him the moment you returned to the States. Even when you had sex the night you left, you wouldn’t look at him. He had to force you. Maybe the pain of your loss was too great. He was a constant reminder of Sarah. 

After a few days of not hearing from you he decided to call Okoye. She would at least know if you were alive. He punched a few keys on your computer and it rang. 

“Captain Rogers? Good to see your face.” 

“Good to see you too. So I suppose you know Y/N left.”

“I do. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Captain. She has asked that I don’t tell you where she is. She promised me she would contact you.” 

“It’s ok, Okoye. I don’t intend on pulling you into this. I just want to know if she’s physically ok.”

“Yes. She is safe. There are times that Nakia goes in so deep, we don’t hear from her for months. I don’t know if that’s what Y/N is doing. It won’t be under my command anyway.” 

“Thank you. If you hear from her....I don’t know what to say. Just let her know I’m thinking of her.”

“I will. Captain? There is a P.O. Box that mysteriously gets checked. I don’t think I’d be out of line if I gave you that number.” 

He thanked Okoye and let her get back to her day. 

Steve thought a lot about what he should do next. He couldn’t possibly sit still but the thought of doing anything Avengers related made him feel exhausted. He remembered conversations you had randomly about wanting to redo the hall bathroom and maybe the kitchen. He decided this place could use a little sprucing up. He knew you kept some pictures on your lap top so he decided the bathroom was first. 

He went to the closest hardware store he could find. The guy at the desk helped him pick out what he needed. Once he got home he made himself dinner and sat down to write you a letter. 

Dear Y/N, 

Please don’t get mad at Okoye but she gave me this address. I have spent the last few days thinking about, well, everything.I should have seen how much you were struggling. You told me as much every day. I guess I didn’t want to know that I was losing you. 

I have nothing but time on my hands so it’s my intention to write you every day. Even if it kills me I’m going to show you how much I love you. I hope you come home to me soon. 

Love, 

Steve 

P.s.

I’m redoing the hall bathroom. 

Dear Y/N

I wish I knew what kinds of missions you’re on.I wish I knew if you were safe. It’s probably best that I don’t know. I’d only worry more. 

I think about you every second of every day. I miss you. With my whole body and soul I miss you. Please come home soon. 

Love, 

Steve 

P.s. 

I’m doing the kitchen next. 

He became a fixture at the hardware store. All of the employees loved helping him. They hooked him up with a plumber so the stove could be changed. A few of the guys helped with the counter tops and cabinets. It helped them to feel purpose again. They would talk about their lost loved ones. It helped him so much too. He thought maybe once the house renovation was completed he would start kind of a support group. He wrote that down in his notebook. He thought that would make you laugh. 

YOU....ONE YEAR LATER

Your base camp was in Brazil. Even with the snap there were a lot of people in the major cities. The crew was hanging out when mail call came in. It was mostly care packages. Anything important came via a secure channel. The whole team used the same P.O. Box so it felt like the old days during mail call. Normally when you were deployed you didn’t get much mail. You didn’t expect anything at all today. You didn’t even look up when you heard your name. “Rogers? That’s you right?” You looked up at Obi who was smiling and holding a stack of mail. 

“Yeah. Who the hell knows I’m here?” 

“Looks like your husband.” He tossed them to you. The stack hit your chest with a thud. Your face flushed. 

“Mhibu! How does he have this address?!” Nakia was excited. She plopped next to you and started opening envelopes. It felt like high school. 

“That’s personal, Ki.”

“He’s so old school. Who writes letters?”Obi asked nudging your boot with his. 

You smiled reading the first letter “Steve Rogers does. He’s nearly 100 years old you know?” 

“You need to call him.” Nakia pressed. 

“I will I will. I’ll be in my room.” You practically ran to your bunk to start reading. 

You mentally cursed Okoye for this. She’s gone soft post snap. She’s missing W’Kabi. You devoured the first five letters. You laughed at the printed pictures of the bathroom at kitchen. He didn’t shrink them so he sent 8X10 shots of each. You were surprised he knew how to upload from his phone. Once you got to the 100thletter you were wiping away tears. The ending of each one was a plea to come home. It started with “I hope..” then “Please..” to:

Dear Y/N, 

I have no idea if you’re getting these. I wish I knew where you were. I just want to hear your voice. I want to touch you. To hold you. I’m begging you. Please. Please just give me a sign that you’re ok. I have to tell you, kid. I’m not ok. I miss you desperately. I’m begging. Please come home to me, Y/N.

Love Always, 

Steve

Your heart lurched and began to beat in a terrible rhythm. You had a pile of burner phones for emergencies. You dialed his number a dozen times before you finally pressed SEND. 

Steve was half asleep when he heard his phone ring. 

“Hello?” his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat “Hello?”

“Hey” 

“Y/N? Hi. Where are you?”

“Uh Brazil. How are you?”

You heard him sniffle and suck in a breath “Good. I’m good. That’s a lie. I’m terrible. I miss you so much, baby.”

“I miss you too.”

“Then come home. Please.” 

“Ok.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m worried about you.”

“Oh, my love. I can’t wait to see you.” 

“So I’ll call you tomorrow. I can be home by late tomorrow night.”

“Yeah. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” You hung up and started packing. You got a couple of hours of sleep. Nakia got you to the airport. “Can we expect you back?”

“Maybe. Steve’s last letter. It worried me. I have to see him for a while.” 

“I get it. I love you, Mhibu.”

“I love you too, Ki. Be safe.” You got on the plane and went home to your husband. 

HOME

You grabbed your bag and headed to the door. He was waiting there for you. He looked bigger somehow. You dropped your bag and launched yourself at him. You embraced for several moments before you said, “Let’s go home, Steve.” 

“I know I sent pictures but I’m really excited for you to see.” 

“You’ve been busy.” 

“Very. Ready?”

“Yeah” He covered your eyes “Don’t peek.” You both laughed. Your house was brighter and more open. It was simple yet it sparkled. It was Steve. 

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.” You kissed him. 

“I love you.” Another kiss. 

“Hey. Can I ask a question?”

“Maybe.”

“Why aren’t you angry at me? I dipped for a year with no word.” 

“Mmmm should I be mad?”

“I would be.” He narrowed his eyes. 

“Should you be punished?” 

“How so?” He chuckled to himself. 

“I’d like to punish you. It will lose its magic if I tell you. How about I just show you?” 

“Mmmm.Can I cook you dinner first?” 

“Yeah. You’ll need nourishment.” he leaned in to whisper in your ear, “I’m going to ruin your little pussy.” Your face was hot and you felt dizzy. You had to anchor yourself on the island. His face split into that smile that made your insides melt. 

As you ate dinner he filled you in on all of the things going on there. Big things like Tony and Pepper had a baby. Clint’s bad guy hunting. Thor’s whereabouts unknown. Little things like the support group he leads and his friends at the hardware store. You told him about some of your missions. You didn’t omit the scary stuff this time. Everyone was right. You were stronger than he gave you credit for. 

You cleaned the kitchen together. While you were at the sink he started to kiss the back of your neck. “I need a shower” you groaned. “Funny. Me too.” You picked up right where you left off. You scrubbed his back. He washed your hair. You kissed. Longingly at first. You missed each other. The kisses got more passionate. More forceful. You stopped so you could brush your teeth and do something with your wet hair. You opted for braided pigtails. 

He lead you to the bed. He sat and pulled you in to straddle him. His cock was hard against your aching snatch. You reached down to adjust him so you could slide down on him but he stopped you. “I want to take my time. Plus, I promised you a punishment.” 

“We can do it more than once. I need to feel you.” 

“And you will, baby. For the rest of the night you may call me Sir or Captain. Am I clear?” You sighed “Yes, Sir.” 

“Good girl. I found your toy box.” 

“Did you, Captain? What did you find?” Hepulled a Magic Wand out of your side drawer. You have him a coy smile. “What are you going to do with that?” 

“Open your legs.” You heard the familiar buzz of your old friend. He crawled between your legs and let it rest on a low speed just above your clit while he kissed you. He pressed down every now and then. You moaned in his mouth and tried moving your hips. He pulled the wand away. “What are you doing? Put it back.” 

“I do believe I’m the one who’s in charge here. Be a good girl and hold still.” His hand was on your throat. 

“Yes, Sir.” You could feel the tip of his cock slipping on your thigh. He wanted to fuck you so bad but chose to savor the moment. 

He switched it on again. This time he turned up the speed a bit and wiggled the tip on the hood of your clit. Your walls clenched and you dropped your head back. Off again. He kept kissing you. First your lips, then your neck, then his mouth wrapped around a nipple. As you appeared to cool down, he switched it on again bringing you to the edge of your orgasm a third time. You were breathless and sweating. You groped for his dick trying to put it in your dripping cunt. “Ah ah ah. No, ma’am. Your Captain has not said you can cum.” He palmed your pussy and swiped his wet hand across your lips. “See how wet you are for me?” 

“Yes” 

“Yes, what?” 

“Yes, Captain.” 

“Do you want to cum?” Bzzzzzzz

“Oh yes. Please, Captain, let me cum.” Your legs instinctively started to close. The feeling was too intense. He forced your knees apart. He held the wand steady while he shoved two fingers inside of you.You tried to rock your hips. He held you down. “Hold still or I’ll stop. I’m a nice Captain but I don’t have to be.” 

“Yes, Sir.” 

“That’s my good girl.” He stopped again. You whined in pain. 

“Look at you in all of this pain. Were you in pain when you left?” 

“Yes, Captain.” 

“Good. Were you in pain when you were alone at night missing my hands?”

“Yes, Captain.” 

“Good. You left me a mess. Are you sorry?” Tears started coming out of your eyes and fell on the sheet beneath you. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No tears.” He licked them away. “You can cum.” He turned it back on and you were done. Your tears streamed freely as you moaned grasping for the sheets. He shut off the wand, threw it on the floor and, in one motion, was inside of you. He held you close to his body. His hips moved at a brutal pace. His body stiffened and one more time he drove as deep into you as he could. His pelvic bone smashing your clit sent you over the edge. You released a year of grief and sadness. Steve released a year of anger and loneliness. He pulled the blanket around you. You laid on his chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around you. This time you wouldn’t be able to run away. Never again. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

F O U R Y E A R S L A T E R

“I thought I left the love of my life when I went into the ice 70 years ago. I got out and moved on. I met my wife. We may have lost our daughter but we’re making it. And that’s what you have to do too. Move on.”  
Steve continued with his support group. It was helping him. You went out a few more times with Nakia and Obi. This time you kept in contact with him and didn’t stay away for too long. Whatever this was it was working. 

Steve came home with take out. “Baby. I have dinner.”  
“Hey. I’m in the back.”  
“Hey, beautiful. You hungry?”  
“Yeah” you give him a quick peck on the lips. “What do you think about starting a vegetable garden right here?”  
“Yeah. What does your week look like? I was thinking if you weren’t busy we could head to see Nat.”  
“We can do that. How was group?”  
“Good. Making some progress.” He came over and pulled you in for a hug. You pressed your face into his chest and inhaled. “You smell so good.” He smiled against your hair. 

You ate dinner and watched a movie. Life was simple. Later you settled into bed and just before you closed your eyes he said, “I think it’s time to move on from all of this.”  
“From what?”  
“The Avengers. Captain America. All of it.”  
“If that’s what you want.”  
“I want to know what you think.”  
“I think that’s a deeply personal decision and you should do what you feel.”  
“But if you had an opinion.”  
“You know how I feel about all of it and I can’t possibly tell you what to do. I will support you no matter what. I know that’s why you want to go to see Nat. I’m not a part of that space in your life.”  
“You are part of every space in my life. I just don’t think we have to do it anymore.”  
You rolled your eyes (but only because he couldn’t see). You know he can’t walk away. 

The next morning you packed an overnight bag and headed to Nat. The whole drive up Steve was a chatterbox. You grabbed his hand and kissed his fingers. “You ok, baby?”  
“Yeah. I just haven’t seen Nat in a while.”  
“Did you tell her we were coming?”  
“No. Surprise.” 

You drove through the gate and into the garage. When you walked in she was talking to Rhodey. She wiped tears from her face. You gave her a quick kiss and left her and Steve to talk. A few minutes later a call came in from the gate. It was Scott Lang. 

You listened to him ramble. It was hard to follow. He wasn’t making much sense. “Like time travel?” You asked. You didn’t think anyone was listening to you.  
“Yes! Time travel. Exactly.”  
“This is a Tony or Bruce thing.” Nat said.  
“Well then let’s go see Tony.”  
“No way, Steve. He won’t see us.”  
“Sure he will. We’ll go in the morning.”

You all settled in. Steve was nervous and excited. You held your excitement in. You didn’t want to get your hopes up.  
“What if this works?” he said to the ceiling while you laid on his chest.  
“It would be amazing if it did.”  
“Y/N, we could get her back.”  
“I understand what the theory is. This is a lot. I don’t want to get my hopes up again. Let’s just see what Tony says.” Steve didn’t sleep at all. 

You arrived at Tony’s. Their daughter was beautiful. “Peanut can you bring Ms Y/N to see mommy?” Morgan took your hand and lead you inside.  
“Y/N. So good to see you.” Pepper was always so warm.  
“Good to see you too. She’s beautiful, Pep.”  
“We got very lucky.” You stared off into space thinking that Sarah would be about seven now. You thought about what she might look like.  
“Y/N? Can I get you something to drink?”  
You snapped out of it. “Water. Thank you.”  
“How have you been coping? I don’t know how you’ve carried on.”  
“I went back to work for a while. I left for a year.” She listened intently to you. You didn’t realize but she was holding your hand. You both glanced out of the window. “It looks tense out there.” you said quietly.  
“Morgan? Can you go save Dad while Y/N and I set the table? Stay for lunch. I’m sure Tony wants to catch up with you.” Everyone came in to eat. Tony asked you a ton of questions since, technically, you were the only one still working. He noticed you glancing at Morgan and paying special attention not to get too graphic when you spoke. When you saw Steve interact with her tears welled in your eyes. You choked them back and continued to answer him. Nat held your hand under the table. When lunch was over you said your goodbyes. Tony lingered a little longer with you. You sat in the back with Scott and stayed quiet the rest of the ride home.  
“Nat said your daughter, she was....” Scott asked while Nat and Steve chatted.  
“Yeah. We lost her.”  
“I can’t imagine. When I got out of the van I thought my daughter was lost. That was the worst few moments of my life. I don’t know how you and Cap are just walking around breathing.”  
“It’s not easy. Your daughter, she’s ok?”  
“Yeah. Cassie is her name. She’s a teenager now.”  
“That must have freaked you out.”  
“Yeah I was pretty freaked out.”  
“She must have been happy to see you.” He smiled, “I know this can work. If we just had the equipment. I’m sure it can work.”  
“It would be nice if it did.” You went back to staring out of the window. The next morning they went to have breakfast with Bruce. You stayed behind. You couldn’t take anymore. 

When they came back to the compound Bruce was a Hulk/Bruce hybrid. That was jarring to say the least. They got to work fast. You sat way back at Steve’s request.  
Scott was the guinea pig. It was...weird. That’s when Tony showed up. He and Steve talked outside for a while. He came in and had a solid plan. They got to work. You helped as much as you could. Nat went off to get Clint. Hulk and Rocket went to find Thor. You paced and bit your thumbnail. Steve watched you tap your pencil on the table staring at nothing. “Hey. You ok?”  
“Yep. I don’t know”  
“I promised I’d get her back.”  
“I know you did.”  
“Baby. Talk to me.” He kissed your finger tips then your palm and placed it on his face.  
“What if this doesn’t work?”  
“This will work. I know it will. It has to work.”  
“Then if it does, will everyone come back exactly where they were snapped?”  
Tony looked up, “Probably.”  
“Then I have to get back to Wakanda. That’s where Sarah will be.”  
“I’m sure Bucky and Sam can bring her back when they...”  
“Steve, if I’m not in that room when our baby comes back...I need to go.”  
“Ok. Ok. You’re right. What do you need from me?”  
“Nothing. Tony, I need a plane.”  
“Yep. Wait! You know how to fly?!”  
“Yes. I have to call Okoye so they can open up air space for me.”  
“Do you have to go now?” He rubbed your shoulders.  
“Is Nat already in the air with Clint? It’s about a 15 hour flight. Tony?”  
“Follow me.” 

You called Okoye who seemed skeptical but excited. They were ready for you. You boarded the plane and did all of the flight pre checks. Steve stood on the platform and watched with great trepidation.  
“Have you ever flown with her?” Tony asked.  
“Nope. I had no idea she was a pilot.”  
“She is just full of surprises isn’t she?”  
“Yeah,” he said smiling like a proud papa, “She is.”  
“Ok. I’m good to go!” you shouted from the cockpit. Steve ran over and kissed you deeply. “Steve, if this doesn’t work...”  
“Ssshhh. It will. I promise. Bring our family home to us.”  
“I will. Be careful. Come back to me, Captain.”  
“Only if you come back to me, kid.” You kissed again. He stepped back on to the platform and you took off. 

W A K A N D A

You landed the next morning. Okoye greeted you. Steve promised to let you know when they were going to snap. You figured it would be soon. They had to go in and get the stones. The only place you wanted to be was in the room to wait for Sarah. A couple of hours later, Steve called.  
“Hey. I’m here. Is it time?”  
“We’re about there. Nat didn’t make it back.” He was now sobbing.  
“What do you mean?!”  
“Uh she and Clint went for the Soul Stone. It requires a soul to release the stone. She threw herself off the cliff.” The breath left your body.  
“I’m so sorry, Steve. I’m so sorry.”  
“Me too. Will you let me know once you have Sarah?”  
“I will. I love you.”  
“I love you too.” He hung up. You told Okoye what happened.  
“She sacrificed herself for everyone else. She’s a brave warrior. We will honor her.” 

You sat in the room in silence. Just like they all left, on a breath of air your baby was there in front of you. “Mama!”  
You held out your arms and she ran to you. You scooped her up and held on to her so tight. You tried calling Steve but he didn’t answer. Okoye ran to a Ramonda who was asking so many questions. A golden light appeared in the hall. T’Challa and Shuri came rushing into the room.  
“Mhibu! Here! Put this on. We have to go.” Shuri threw Dora armor to you. You slipped it on. “Where are we going?!” you asked as T’Challa handed you a weapon.  
“To help Captain Rogers. Show him what you’re made of, Mhibu.” 

You kissed Ramonda and hugged Sarah again. With tears in your eyes, “Nana is going to keep you safe. I’m going to help Daddy ok?” “Dada!” You kissed her again. You couldn’t stop kissing her.  
“I have her, Y/N. Go. Fight.” The golden circle opened up again. T’Challa, Shuri and Okoye walked out. You were behind them. Sam saw you and smiled. You wanted to cry when you saw his face but you held it in. “There’s my girl. They’re in trouble now.” He took off. All of the portals opened. Steve looked in your eyes. His first instinct was to tell you to go back. No way in hell you were doing that. With all of Wakanda behind T’Challa and all of the Avengers flanking Steve he took his place.  
“AVENGERS. Assemble.” And like that you were off. 

You stayed close to Shuri. You shot and stabbed anything that came near you. Bucky made his way over to you. You pressed your back to his and worked together to clear a path. Steve finally found you. He pulled you behind some rubble. “What the hell are you doing out here?! Why aren’t you with Sarah?!” Something was running toward you. You shot it over his shoulder. “I’m helping! She’s ok Steve. Ramonda has her. She’s ok.” You kept shooting. “You look sexy with a gun!”  
“Keep it in your pants, Captain. There’s time for that later.” Wanda had a hold on Thanos so he ordered his ships to fire. Steve pushed you behind a big piece of something and he started running. Bucky saw you and, in the midst of intense fire, rushed over to shield you.  
“Bucky! Buck! It stopped. It stopped!” His eyes were wide. It was like he wasn’t seeing you. You put your hands on his face and held him “Hey. Bucky. Look at me!”  
“Come on!” He grabbed your hand and lead you to a safe spot. You protested but he kept tugging on your arm. “Bucky! Stop. I’m ok.”  
“I have to keep you safe.”  
“Hey. I can keep myself safe. Come on. Let’s go help Steve.”  
You fought your way to Steve. When you found him he was holding Stormbreaker and Mjölnir on Thanos’ throat. Thanos threw him. He was knocked out. You started to run for him but Bucky stopped you. Thanos had the gauntlet. Danvers was on him. She almost had him. Tony was on him again. You broke free from Bucky and ran to Steve.  
“Steve. Get up. Steve!” Steve picked up his head and saw what was happening. Before he could get there Tony snapped. 

Thanos’ troops and ships started to disintegrate. Eventually he did too. Tony collapsed. He was gone. 

You took off Steve’s cowl and looked him in the eyes. “Let’s go get Sarah.” Through his tears he nodded and kissed you. Wong opened a portal for you and you went to get your baby. 

When he saw her he scooped her in his arms and sobbed. “Hi princess.” “Hi Dada”. You sat on the floor with them and rubbed her little feet. “Let’s go home.”


	9. H O M E (the end)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end

Chapter 9

H O M E

After the funeral you went back to the house. You insisted that Bucky come too. Sam went to see Zola. For the first few nights you were home Sarah slept in between you and Steve. He barely let her out of his sight. He and Bucky worked quickly to paint and decorate Sarah’s room. She was right in between your room and his. She only ever slept in her bed for naps. 

Bucky still had nightmares. Sometimes Steve would hear him and go running. Other times you would go. One night in particular he had a bad one. Steve was knocked out with Sarah on his chest. You went in quietly. You stroked Bucky’s forehead and whispered his name in his ear. “Bucky. It’s Y/N. You’re safe. You’re safe.” His eyes flew open. He stared into your eyes. “Hey. You back?”

“Yeah. Sorry I woke you.”

“It’s ok.” You wiped sweat off of his forehead. He leaned into your touch. “Go back to sleep. Here. I’ll tuck you back in.”

“Thank you.” He kissed the back of your hand and settled back in. 

“Buck ok?” Steve whispered. 

“Yeah. He’s ok.” 

“I’m thinking about offering him my apartment back in Brooklyn.”

“Yeah. That could work. I have a big enough property out here. Why don’t we build him a house? Though, we’re so isolated out here. He should meet some people. Maybe a girl?” He smiled at you in the dark. You absentmindedly played with a piece of Sarah’s hair. 

“We’ll talk to him in the morning.” 

Steve got up with Sarah for breakfast. They were both early risers. You heard him singing to her. “Are those good waffles, my love?” “Mmm mmmm” He laughed at her yummy noises. 

“Good morning.” 

“Morning, mommy. “ he kissed your lips. “Coffee?”

“Please. Thanks, Daddy.” 

“Morning, Family.” Bucky yawned. 

“Buckeeeee”

“Hi. Can I have a bite? Ahhh” he opens his mouth comically wide. 

“No!” She pulls her bowl away. 

You laugh. “That’s ok, Bucky. I’ll share.” you say extending your fork. He takes a bite. He kisses the top of her head and goes to make his coffee. 

“Hey guys. I was thinking I might take off.” 

You and Steve look at each other. “Do you have a place?” he asks. 

“No. I can find something. I could go back to the compound until I do.” 

“You could take my place in Brooklyn.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Sam should be back soon. He and Zola are moving to the compound. Wanda’s there. It might not be a bad idea at least to be close by. Since I gave Sam my shield you’ll still have work to do.”

“You’re serious about that huh? You’re retired.” 

“Yeah, Buck. I’m serious.” 

“Good. I’m tired of looking at you anyway.” 

“You’re tired of me?” They start to playfully wrestle around. Sarah laughs and claps. 

“Ok. I have some work to catch up on. Don’t break anything.” 

“We won’t” they said in unison. 

When Bucky says he’s taking off he means it. After breakfast he starts to pack up. You hear Steve in the hallway, “You don’t have to go now.” 

“Yeah I do. You three need to have some space. We’ll get together soon.” 

“You always have a room here.” 

“Thanks, man. I’ll call you when I get there.” They hug. Steve hands Bucky the keys to an old Jeep he had been fixing. You come out of your office. Bucky is already throwing bags in the car. 

“You’re leaving now?” 

“Yeah. Maybe now you can get some sleep. You don’t need me making anymore ruckus.” 

“What if I like your ruckus? I’ll miss you.” You hug him around his neck. He kissed your temple. “I’ll miss you too. Take care of my big man ok? He’s not gonna know what to do without me.” 

“You know I will. You really don’t have to leave, Bucky. We want you to stay.” 

“I gotta go. I have to see what else is out there.” You wiped tears away from your eyes. 

“Don’t be a stranger ok?” 

“I won’t. I love you both.” He takes Sarah from Steve “And I love you, little monster. Be good for Mom and Dad.” She giggles and plants sloppy kisses on his face. 

The three of you stand on the porch watching him drive away. Sarah yawns against Steve’s chest. “Are you ready for a nap?” You take her and head into the house. Steve sends a text to Wanda letting her know Bucky is on the way. 

“Sounds good. I miss you. Where are you guys now?” He laughs to himself. 

“Officially? Nowhere.” 


End file.
